Day before yesterday L told me I am the only woman he loves and trusts – this is after G reamed him out about K and K told him that T is calling her wanting her to meet him – she’s meeting him today for coffee and talk. She’s doing that because L said he would still date and possibly sleep with other women and yet he wants to see her once a month and…
what does that mean? it’s on the church marquee over on broad street. Something bizarre. Okay why is it that everyday seems like an enormous task just to take care of matters at hand? tomorrow instead of lunch at mom’s, she’s going to come here and go to Parkway with me – saves me the smoky room for two hours that I find toxic. S is in SF this week and I had a lot…
There is some weird thing going on in my life where S keeps trying to get closer to my face – what is that? Then there is the whole ebb and flow thing where it is so unbelievably difficult to get ebb and flow together. I keep thinking of Bill Murray and that movie – does he have a kid or not and the way that bit of information changed every step forward – it’s…
Stormed all night with Arlene up and down in the bed with the quivers. Vivid dreams. Walking along the bayou to playdate the pinky blue clouds were skimming the water. There are too many images, memories, words, feelings to get them all straight in my mind. I keep trying to lay them out in some linear fashion but they get all tangled up again as soon as I line them up. Saw Broken Flowers last…
Some Mondays seem to start off fine – like an unexpected cool breeze in August – the bayou full and even slightly choppy – then wammo – sidelined by idiot contractors – like this A-1 Contractor fool who did such a shitty job on our house to the point where we now have to hire some other company to fix the foundation and two flat tires on the bike which the pump couldn’t help because…
The great divide has been crossed – K turned 21 today. You think about these things like a thirty year difference and you know that they really don’t matter in the end – only if the participants are able to truly believe in what they are doing. Right now the jury is definitely out on L, but K leaves soon and we’ll see if that doesn’t present a more compelling story. Meanwhile, at Brigtsens last…
Yoda said attachment leads to jealousy, which is the shadow of greed – let go of your attachments. Uh, no. Perhaps too much Anakin in me than Yoda. Arriving in SF on Thursday made my heart race – irrational fear that I would one day move back – deep breath, rather walk off planet. Cold and foggy except for Napa, made me long for tank top and shorts despite L telling me the weather here…
Sometimes my friend L has good insight and sometimes he is troubled by everything he sees. Walking along the bayou this morning I told him I was troubled by wanting to have it all and he said some days you just cannot. And there it is – there are seamless days, there are days where one or two things are hitting perfectly, and then there are days like the last two where I’m here, mind’s…
Eating a brie and pear sandwich in the quarter on leaving New Orleans Feb 2005 – with N who articulated something about place for me, he said, “I could picture living in San Francisco, New York or Chicago. I can actually picture living in a few other places. But I cannot imagine not living in New Orleans.” I swear I finally bit into the pear right when he said that. And still it was not…
No sleep yet again. W’s got growing pains and I’ve got the equivalent, an aching that sometimes is profound. The humidity is rising again and with it comes less clarity. S asked me to tap my Dorothy shoes this morning, ruby slippers, and I said, “there’s no place like home” and it fit comfortably with the surroundings, but then Lance attacked Arlene and a bee bit M on the eye and before you know it,…