It takes a long time for some notions to be digested, yet it seems like every theme does come to closure in a full circle. In early 2008, when I developed this tightness in my lower right hip, my massage therapist said that she had a vision while working on me, when she was on the left side she plainly saw a screen door swinging freely back and forth and when she was on my right side, she saw an old heavy door with a cowbell on it opening and closing, it was an antique door, something you would see at a General Store.
In the months that followed as she worked my body trying to uncoil this tightness in my right side, she spoke about the feminine side versus the masculine side. I had worries that my masculine side was overdominating my feminine side because I was in a relationship that might be emphasizing that side of me.
Over a year later, when the tightness was not going away, I started acupuncture treatment. Remarkably, after a few months of that coupled with massage and a curtailing of Pilates, I started to find some relief. But anything that I did out of alignment would come back to that spot and cause me days of incredible stiffness.
Then in yoga, Michele started talking about balancing the breath and how if you are too left dominated, then you are too passive and you don’t have good boundaries, and if you are too right dominated then you are aggressive and in constant to do mode so that you are keeping busy so as not to just be. So for our yoga practice lately, we’ve been doing a lot of unsticking and balancing of the breath channel. And it’s amazing how claustrophobic I get when closing off one side or the other.
Today, in savasana, I got it. I have been on a journey to learn balance for a long time and the left side of me, the side that is about sitting on the screen porch and relaxing is eclipsed by the heavy duty mercantile side of me that is constantly going in and out of the General Store getting and spending (laying waste my power).
In my marriage of many years, we approached our thirties and forties with our careers in mind. He went to work each morning and worked long hours, and I went to my desk early in the morning and stayed long hours. Our success multiplied and we bought cars, furniture, art, houses, and lots of fine dining along the way. We were living the right side. The left side was not even a shadowy figure, it was barely there.
Now here I am at 50 trying to learn a new path, one that will lead me to balance work (I no longer care to accumulate one damn thing, give me experience any day) and just being. To give each equal time and equal weight.
These are two powerful forces, the sun and the moon, I have great Mardi Gras masks of each one. I’ve been the big red sun for too long now, I’m going to have to put the same energy into being the big yellow moon.