I moved back to New Orleans in 2005 because I wanted to be by my family. I wanted kids in my life. I wanted to be an aunt, a sister, a daughter. Well, who knows what went wrong with the equation but it’s been good being here with my mom, although whose to say I’m a good daughter. I told J the other day my sole purpose in my mom’s life is to entertain as far as I can tell.
Regaining closeness to my nieces – pishaw – went by the way side. One doesn’t talk to me because of the affair I had in the Pleistocene era (not only did she lambast me saying “she could have been me” but her husband accused me of coming onto him at dinner – as if), another niece is in absentia after I wanted to be involved with her baby girl when she was born – obviously I wanted to be involved more than they had space to give, my two younger nieces are MIA – I chalk them up to busy and bored, my oldest brother and his wife are a no show to every event I have invited them to here at the LaLa. So, I just decided what the hey, I’m here for my mom if she needs me and I’ve been out there aways for so long now on my own, I don’t need siblings or their children to feel whole or connected. Then yesterday I heard my youngest brother has moved back to town with his wife and kids. Who knew? My mother stumbled upon this information and felt slighted.
We were a very close family until my father died and then the enmeshed, quasi cultish group love gave way to “See Ya, Wouldn’t Want to Be Ya” amongst the tribe. Whatyagonnado? I’ve read that families that come from extremes like ours with an autocrat for a father and alcoholism and etc pull apart as everyone tries to find their own way.
I have a niece in Houston – the one who took care of me and twelve others during the evacuation who checks in now and then; I have a niece in college and we’re close in our way, and my brother and his family in Atlanta are in touch now and again and of course, I get letters from my brother in prison, who I feel guilty for not going to visit and who from his lofty cell gets to pontificate about how I have lost my way. As if.
My real family is my mom and girlfriend plus our animals, along with the assorted friends who love me despite my ways. And of course, my family enlarged to include members in Croatia recently.