I’ve been missing playdate in the mornings because Arlene is on bedrest. I should be on bedrest with this cold even though I had the first night of real sleep Thursday night. Of course, with good sleep comes good dreams and those are hard to shake in the morning. I lay in bed in a kind of daze not wanting to enter the day and now I know that I was coming down with something other than a heartache.
The Snake’s Jesus is the Reason for the Season was greatly inspiring Thursday night and I believe one of his best. Still after he finished I could feel myself crashing hard so I snuck out and walked back down the dark streets to the truck alone.
BJ called Friday to catch up – which was good because frankly I was a little worried – he and I usually stay in touch and haven’t heard from him or Danielle. Knowing that Steve was just there I thought they had made up their minds about this whole thing and were going to remain silent. We had a sweet heartfelt talk about a couple of things he said were comforting and sometimes people do things that others don’t want them to and at the end of the day you are still Rachel – who I love. Sweet forgiveness.
Possibly the most bizarre call came Tuesday eve from my niece, Dana’s husband – Mark – said he was picking up vibes from me and I was like, uh, come again? He said Dana’s at the grocery story right now and I had to talk to you about this. He said you sat close to me as well, we were at a table for 8 that had 14 people around. He mentioned my blouse and the thing that got him most was when I squeezed his arm goodbye. Don’t want to be dismissive but assure you, you are reading this wrong. We hung up after three reiterations with me still shaking my head. The Snake said start wearing sports bras and turtlenecks and Nancy said definitely quit squeezing arms.
Another sweet missive from Allison Friday morning – she and Bugs are getting some things straightened out, which is good – her message was sweet and tender and though you wouldn’t know it to look at her – the ice queen she appears but she has a huge heart. She’ll come early to the Bahamas so girl time is taking shape.
Daily, Sandy checks in on me and boost me with some inspiring missive – her latest was a quote from Voltaire – expect the best possible things in the best possible world. I do indeed expect the best even though I think I entered some form of depression the other day when I lay back and couldn’t remember ever being happy or when I would be happy again. I shook it off, but here and there my brain leaks sweet memories that make me smile – right now it’s uncertain whether these same memories bridge to something greater or get filed away – either way, I myself am onto a better life.
Hanukkah party last night and smoke filled the apartment while the alarms went off like a house on fire – Rachel cooking – Ham running to the door to throw me over his shoulder and rescue me – the Snake up on the ladder – Ham and Teresa are terrific, love them to death. Studying frogs in Central America. After all the champagne, we went through the good wine like it was going to reproduce itself. And deep into the wine, the survivor stories began and once again Katrina’s pall hung over our group like a nightmare.