I know it is not me who is bewildered by the age of my mother and the “burden” of what to do with her. I hear it from all of my friends who have an aged mother. But the drama at the other end of the line is increasing on a daily basis, the flood of tears driven by fear, paranoia, and utter self pity are increasing, and the anxiety it produces in me on a daily basis is increasing.
Should she be driving?
What will we do when she can no longer care for herself?
What am I supposed to do as a daughter?
What will make her happy?
Today, I stopped by and was trying to tell her she needs to get on Medicaid, which means she should get rid of the paltry savings she has that is keeping her from it and pay off a bill instead. She said the only reason I need to be on Medicaid is if you put me in a nursing home. And then she almost started crying.
I curled up in a ball on the sofa and just closed my eyes and before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep for fifteen minutes because my phone was ringing and I jumped up and had to race out because I had to get back across town.
I called her when I got home and said I won’t put you in a nursing home. The only reason why you would go anywhere is if you need medical help. We hung up again with her on the verge of tears, her saying she has so many things to tell me but there never seems to be enough time.
Time? Now is the time – Say it. Live it. Enjoy it. This is the time, Mother.