I looked for shooting stars last night but didn’t see a one. Then the spinning of the afternoon crescendo’d but fell away when the clock struck midnight – later, asleep, the soul fairies entered my dreams and took my soul – morning came with the emptiness – I thought about sending a cry for help – I lay there motionless until Arlene forced me to take her down to pee. Then those damn fairies were back and promptly returned my soul to me.
There was an 18-hour period of trying to right what is wrong and the wires were getting crossed and our minds were getting cross and we started spinning and then there was a tangle to untangle and so on until it finally righted itself.
Once I got through the waking up part of the day, I walked down to the LaLa with Arlene in tow and visited with B – there was something suddenly calming about sitting on the front porch talking to him. He said I love you Rachel but you are now in sink or swim mode and I looked at the bayou, that I know is deep in the middle and thought “stones in the pockets?” but it was such a beautiful day – the Lion sun was out, the water was sparkling like brilliant diamonds and the universe kept its spin while mine slowed.
Good news posted on the door at the Can – internet up this Friday or Saturday. Then a meeting set up with K – N’s contractor and so the day’s agenda started coming together. Got some work in, talked to some people in the group that I needed to catch up with – had a good call with O who threw her arms around me through the telephone wires and then actually late in the afternoon got in a disco nap that was delicious.
I walked up at 4 to K on the phone in front of the LaLa and had a feeling of control and no spin – instantly liked her and just hearing her talk about what could be done started feeling like maybe it was possible for LaLa to come together after all, albeit at a much higher cost than originally thought so a complete drain on assets but there it is. Felt comfortable with N there to guide the design issues as on that side I am generally clueless.
So now internet at the Can, LaLa maybe on go, soul back in its cage, and work easier to process and another January day that was incomparable in its beauty – the bayou just gorgeous. Sitting here in the courtyard, temperate evening with Besame Mucho playing in the background.
I made E laugh out loud with some of the goings on even though I walked in saying it had been a bad bad bad day yesterday afternoon. N had asked me to ask her a question that made her belly laugh – naturally it was linked to what started the spin so at first I was like okay, I’m crying here, do you mind? You got to like it when you can get your therapist going.
Now to start taking care of myself – go to the grocery and get food – important – cannot live on energy bars alone anymore despite having no appetite for much else – force it. And later this week mom and I will spend some time together for her belated birthday spa day. It’s all goody – it sometimes spins – but when you learn to recognize the signposts you can ride the tide up and down a lot smoother.