Archive for May, 2008

I curse the day you were born

Saturday, May 31st, 2008

Jer and I went to go see Sex in the City – it was actually what you’d expect – a nice chick flick with great clothes and shoes. My favorite line from the movie was Charlotte telling Big that she cursed the day he was born. Last night, I was at Swirl and it was a packed house. I was in the midst of having a lot of fun – just goofing off and being crazy when someone said to me, “We don’t need any drama, Rachel” – whoa, I thought and on the tip of my tongue was “why don’t you go fuck yourself,” but I didn’t say anything because I was taken aback by the comment.

The next day (today) at lunch, I was telling my mom about that conversation and she said, “these [people] have always been negative – you can’t change them – don’t try.”

If I had had “I curse the day you were born” in my back pocket I would have handily pulled it out last night. But, damn, the things you hear when you are not locked and loaded with a good retort.

Follow me

Saturday, May 31st, 2008

At yoga on Saturday, the instructor read from the Dali Lama – along the way you will meet many people, don’t assume that those not on the same path as you are lost. I like that because it strikes at the very heart of diversity, about understanding that not everyone shares your p.o.v. – nor does everyone have to be like you.

I woke this morning with a bad case of Eli’s coming – it happens when I’m out of balance – off center from where I need to be – I was off to the right with too much work then I tilted off with too much fun – I work hard, I play hard, and what it gets me is Eli – I’d rather balance out my life.

I begged my novia to return promptly and save me from myself. She arrives tomorrow in the afternoon, my Croatian princess, the Queen of Eels, to restore balance to my overzealous self and bring the planets in alignment again here at the LaLa.

I thought 11 days would be easy after enduring 24 – reality check – it does not get easier.

Dancing like you mean it

Friday, May 30th, 2008

Last night the girls came over to dance at the LaLa – it’s been a while but we all needed to go crazy. And when it’s time to dance around here, there is one and only one song that gets it started – Valerie. I had a song that did it for me for years – Mr. Big Stuff – but Valerie has supplanted it as my all time favorite dance song. Although I saw Jean Knight at Jazz Fest in 2007 and she still sang it like she means it.

Calling all goddesses

Friday, May 30th, 2008

Yesterday in yoga, as we sat crosslegged with our palms open to the sky, the instructor chanted to Saraswati, the goddess of wisdom, art and music and said we are all stars with rivers that run through us. Saraswati is an interesting god – she has four hands representing four aspects of human personality in learning: mind, intellect, alertness and ego.

Our instructor sang in a beautiful voice – she had the lung capacity of a marathon swimmer.

Call me Lianna!

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

I was chatting away with my neighbors who just realized that T is my girlfriend and they were so delighted they wanted to know all the details and of course, I was trying to get home to start my work day but then another woman drove up and they were introducing me to her because she lives down the way and at first said, this is Rachel, then said, no call her Lianna – then added in a sing songy voice Lianna Lianna Lianna with flourish!

Lianna is an early movie by John Sayles about a straight woman that falls for a woman who is a college professor.

Fallacy of the talking killer

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

Last night, I stopped in at my neighbor’s house and was given red beans and rice and a glass of wine – and all I was doing was saying hi! Can’t beat that. We got to talking about remodels because she is about to embark on one (and I’m the prophesy of doom when it comes to anyone about to do a remodel) and I told her the story about M and the painters and how I have come to the conclusion I will just pay him what I think is fair and not even explain why. I said the other attempts at trying to explain why his painters are so fucking incompetent that it has called into question my ability to ever use him or refer him to anyone again has fallen on deaf ears. So I liken it to the fallacy of the talking killer in movies – once the killer starts talking the victim has a chance to get away. If I even begin to explain, M might begin to try to sway me to see his side of the equation which is the pay me an exorbitant amount of money for a fucked up job viewpoint. So mute I will remain.

NY moves one step forward for same-same

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

NY passed is amending its law to recognize same-sex marriages even though the state itself does not allow same-sex married because the Republicans shot down a bill under Spitzer.

Oh glory

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Another day fades to black – too much to do in too little time. I had a massage and realized that I had been in a tight wad of a ball for way too long. L set me free – she has magical hands. I highly recommend you get a massage and break out of the cluster blob you’ve become into something that resembles human, and movement, and glory.

T minus 3 days plus 50 years

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

Got up this morning in a flurry of what needs to be done before I leave for sabbatical – not to mention getting ready for T’s arrival, and then my departure to NY, and then both of us leaving for the summer to explore Croatia together.

As I’m speeding up the days awaiting her arrival, and then our departure, I’m also focused on slowing down the days of summer so that each day becomes its own vignette in the collection of memories I/we will be making while we are there.

T and I are on the compressed version of our narrative – having made all our big decisions from the very first moment. The T&R book is written something like this:

Chapter One – First comes love
Chapter Two – Then comes marriage (read: 50 year visibility)
Chapter Three – Then comes Bam Bam in a baby carriage
Chapter Four – Meet the parents, the homeland, the language
Chapter Five – Honeymoon on the sea coast
Chapter Six – In/Out party @ the LaLa
Chapter Seven – Family (as my dear friend, Jerri, likes to say “more will be revealed …”)

Things that take time

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008

I was talking to a friend of mine today about another friend’s aloof-ness over my being with a woman. My friend said, well he’s just trying to reconcile it with what he believes is the right way. I said, but come on, if you love me, than you’d love that I’m happy and that would be enough. He said, you don’t have to preach to me Rachel, I have two sisters who are in long-term relationships with women and have four kids between them – I know it works.

Later I was talking to T about it, and she said, he might just need time.

I hope that is what my friend needs is time, but it kind of pains me when people I love have such a clear cut view of something that they aren’t open to other possibilities existing for other people. And I guess for me the whole point is that I have to allow other people to process in their own time, which always seems so dragged out versus my pace.