Archive for June, 2015

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Entering the cosmos

Tuesday, June 9th, 2015

Tin had a playdate with some friends at the pool and so I had a couple of hours to shake off my heaviness.

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A friend took me to the French Quarter to amble around. We stopped in Exodus Goods, a shop owned by Solange, which is tucked inconspicuously on Conti street a few feet from Decatur. There on the counter sat these spiral earrings calling my name. The artist calls them “entering the cosmos” and what they reminded me of is Flower’s philosophy that life is a spiral and with growth, we move up to the next rung.

$35 and I walked out with them on my ears.

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My friend said, “They were made for you. Only a bald woman could wear those earrings.”

More importantly, they remind me that life is a spiral in a different way as well; when we find ourselves in a storm it’s good to remember this too shall pass.

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A Broken Mother

Saturday, June 6th, 2015

Today is one week that my life turned upside down after my son was assaulted by someone we knew. Every night the dreams come, every morning the reality returns. Last night, I dreamed that my voice was a spirit outside of me and it was a bright yellow light that filled all space around it and it was yelling STOP throughout the house while my body remained paralyzed in bed.

Mama Sula came to the house to burn incense on Monday. She came to drum the evil and fear away, and to ring the angels in from east, north, south and west. She prayed that a band of angels surround this house and kill anyone who means to harm us.

My friend brought me a rose quartz signifying mother’s love, and I placed in my bra, near my heart, which has been breaking.

We will heal, one minute at a time, but I had to see Ellen to get mantras to keep me strong. It’s done and will never happen again. Justice will be swift. Tin is brave and a healer.

Today, I decided to focus on what is positive in our life because I’ve been dragging my heart around and it shut me down. So I am grateful for my brave, strong boy. I am grateful for my friends who circled around me like a band of angels and have proven capable of cutting or kicking or maiming any person who would harm us.

This afternoon, still lethargic and heavy in my spirit, I went out to the backyard to smoke a thin cigar and when I turned around the Virgin Mary statue that my friend gave me when I first moved to the Spirit House crashed to the ground and was decapitated.

My sentiments exactly. My son is healing, the mother is still fragile.

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Healing the Mother

Tuesday, June 2nd, 2015

I keep waking up from the same dream nightmare – I walk into my son’s room, he’s in distress and I save him. This dream has woken me several times during the past few nights and I lay in bed and try to not let my mind destroy me. I think about my friend who held her child as she transitioned away at two years old – how could my friend ever sleep again? I toss and turn, and what puts me back to sleep is the knowledge that I have a strong child.

Perhaps it is he who will save me.

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