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That would be an ex-Geisha to all of you reading this as those days are done for me. I have a journal with a Geisha on the front – it is where I have collected my pearls of relationship wisdom I have gained over the last couple of years. The first thing is that Geisha girl is now Wonder Woman – the difference is Geisha girl was a pleaser extraordinaire, a giver of all things, a do everything for you so you don’t have to raise a finger type girl – but as I started realizing late but not too late in life, this wasn’t working for me – the absurdity was driven home by the comment told to me by an ex: “you are too compliant” – and there you have it – everyone hates anyone who is “too” anything – and so my being all that was just as bad as someone who is not at all or so it was to him anyway. I twirled around a thousand million times and what emerged was Wonder Woman – the whoa-man that scares potential suitors with a single wink and possibly what tags me as insane to some – but you know what – fuck a bunch of scaredy cats – I say, you want to dance with fire, then bring some sparks because this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no fooling around:

One of the Russian spies came over last night with friends and so of course, there were wigs involved. We toasted to Mardi Gras and revelry and all that goes with the season:

Reprinted with permission – the lovely email I received yesterday morning:

Hi, Rachel —

I’ve been reading your blog the last few months

enjoying your stories as I wonder what my own life

would be like now if I had stayed in/returned to New

Orleans (I left 30 years ago for New York and haven’t

made my way back yet).  I hope this isn’t weird for

you as you talk about things that are close to your

soul, but your musings have struck a chord with me,

and it has been helpful with my own struggles hitting

middle age far from the place I love more than any

other.

Anyway, I was wondering if you had found the part(s)

you needed for you camera.  I had a Casio Exilim Z57

that was broken beyond repair, but I still have the

battery, USB cradle, and special AC adaptor AD-C51J. 

If you could use any or all of these, please let me

know by return email, and I will send them to you.

I hope you have a great Mardi Gras —

Are on their way over in costume. And there you have it. 

I went to the Mardi Gras store off of Causeway and Professor Longhair was ripping through the piano and over the speakers when I walked in. There were beads, dubloons, and purple, green and gold everything and for some reason it put a big big smile on my face. You got to love Mardi Gras – tomorrow begins the ten days of celebration that are unparalleled anywhere in America. Oh, but that’s right, this isn’t America – because if it was America perhaps President Bush might have done something when we went underwater two years ago. But I digress, by the time I was checking out with an armful of spears and boas and whatnot, I didn’t give a shit about Bush and his disassociation from the greatest city in the United States because my blood runs purple, green and gold. 

Do you know that you can leave a comment on my blog that shows you as anonymous on the blog? I say this because I woke this morning to the most lovely message from someone far away – who has been away from home (read: 504) for 30 years – imagine! – and she offered up her AC adaptor for my camera since mine got chewed by the vacuum and hers is dead. I had already ordered one. But meanwhile, back at the ranch, the email set the tone for yet another blessed day in the Big Easy. The new sunglasses that replaced the ones lost in the bayou – scratched in Puerto Rico – free lens replacement. The stupid IPOD thingy that doesn’t work – taken out and ready to ship back. Boas – purple, green and gold for the front door (finally a Mardi Gras decoration) and spears in a vase. Wading through the cheesy MG decor, it was good to have a moment of ah-ha. 

I also found costumes for J & I and me – to be disclosed at a later time. Another ah-ha moment. 

Then I went and had brunch with mom – only brunch happened at 2:30 and I was about to eat the heads off of nutrias by that time. But WALA – I get there to find my mother in a beige running suit with a beige scarf around her curlers – she is making – good god – boiled eggs carefully sliced opened and stuffed with mushrooms, sherry and yolks, put back together and then topped with crumbled bacon, cheddar cheese, and bechamel sauce with more bacon and cheese – YUM. Her back is killing her from this endeavor that has taken the better part of the day to concoct. 

We sit down to eat and she looks at me in tears and says, “I am so happy you are here.” And me, the daughter, feels utterly guilty for not going there more often – instead making her come here. Sigh. J told me yesterday that I should be picking her up for our breakfasts on Saturday instead of making her drive over here. Sigh. Guilt guilt guilt – so much of it, whatyagonnado?

I wrote down seven affirmations for my mother to say every day. Then I called my sister who turned 50 today to say Happy Birthday and she said, “Mom will never say those affirmations.” Sigh.

The boas look good – and I got a costume for Loca for Barkus that is a tee shirt that says, “What happens on the sidewalk, stays on the sidewalk.”

Amy Allison, Her Hair Was Red – beautiful. 

Mom called me late when I was having dinner at Cafe Degas with friends and left a message that said, call me now, it’s urgent. So I called from the table when we were paying the bill and mom was asleep but groggily said this, “Remember R, the woman who was married to ___, when Dad and I moved to that small town for him to be the doctor. Well we’ve talked off and on over the years – about every two years – and she called tonight to say that she is 75 years old and has met the woman of her dreams and is having the time of her life hanging out with her new gay friends. Can you believe it, R with a woman at 75 years of age – being gay?”

I said, “Mom, it’s late. I’ll call you tomorrow. But why do you think they adopted the word gay.” 

So last night we head off to Swirl in the pouring and cold rain and as planned we all show up and are happy to be inside and be with each other. I look across the room right when I walk in and catch sight of someone who makes my heart pound but this time I am calmer because nothing is resolved and I have no new information – so operating on old information, I still feel the flames lick but I don’t have the knee-jerk response which is to respond – someone suggests you are manipulating me – but I can only be manipulated if I allow it. So I stare back and ask you if you are trying to penetrate me with your eyes and you call me insane and compare me to your crazy family. We move to the left, we move to the right, and still you are trying to slice through me with your eyes and yet you say I have so many gates up. Gates? Who uses this word to describe boundaries, walls, obstacles? Gates? Gates can be opened, I think, but don’t say. You’ve had too much to drink – I can see it your eyes. But I am getting too heavy, you say. So we move to the left, we move to the right. I offer levity. You offer my shoes in a bag from the back of your car. I want to tell you something, it’s on the tip of my tongue, but you have told me nothing new to make me want to say it. The gate is closed till further notice I think as my lips brush yours and say goodnight. 

Here is my horoscope this morning – why is this happening?

You locked eyes with someone recently who you are going to see again very soon — are you nervous? Don’t be. They are more interested in you than you think, although probably not in the way you envisioned. When it comes to getting to know them better, don’t overdo it. Don’t share everything about yourself in the first minute and a half. Let things unfold slowly and naturally. You should be evaluating them just as much as they are evaluating you.

I’ve worked my ass off this week – well not off, but into a slumber – and now I’m ready to play, but it is pouring outside and it is freezing inside and Loca has cabin fever and so do I! The girls are all headed to Swirl tonight to reconnoiter – J is going, G is meeting me there, F is going with B and her sister R and her mother who are visiting from Turkey, and so it will be like old home week – seems like a long time since the last time I was there. I slept the sleep of the dead last night – about 10 hours of solid slumber – and now I’m ready to rock and roll. At least tonight. Barkus is on Sunday kicking off the ten day stretch to Mardi Gras that will be all about parades, parties, people and p-funk!