I was listening to a lot of smart people talk about the new advertising today and one of the things that came across loud and clear is how we have to “unlearn” most everything we know. And not just now, but continuously learning and unlearning because change is the new black.
Part of getting to 50 is realizing that there is no need to pretend you like someone, sit through a bad play or movie or concert, finish a book that you have no interest in, or continue to send gifts and birthday cards to people who never seem to respond to your niceties. You just open your eyes and go, why am I bothering. This truth is freeing.
There are people everywhere standing around with signs, flags, here in New York waiting for the motorcades to go by and guess who they want to see? Obama Obama Obama.
We are going to begin advertising for a baby in mid October. A friend who had referred us to these attorneys told us, you should expect a baby by December. It was the first time that I have been optimistic about the process since our aborted adoption in May. I had lunch with a friend who told me that his mother was an alcoholic and died from the disease. He said seven years later his son was born on her birthday, but he was supposed to be a girl and he felt sure that his mother was coming back for a second chance the whole time his wife was pregnant.
Then I was talking to another friend about renting a boat to sail around Croatia and I said but if we have a small baby it might be tough and a father sitting next to me said – no worries you could travel till they are two and another father said I traveled everywhere with my children without ever thinking about it.
Last night, I dreamt I was going to see a play in New York – I actually had tried to get into the Village Theater tonight but it’s members only night – and I had a baby girl, a big plump Gerber baby girl in my arms and I was sitting there sort of arranging her to be more comfortable and to get the light out of her eyes so she could sleep and I suddenly felt a flood of emotion and realized I loved her. But even more interesting was this baby had apparently just been found and handed to me sort of like Loca was and I knew that we were adopting a son, who was going to be born on December 28th, my mother’s birthday.
We went to an Italian restaurant known for its wine list – but instead of a Barolo or Brunello we ordered a Dingac straight from Croatia. We had a colleague join us after the fact and he tasted the wine and someone said “Croatia” and he said “No way.” But Yes, way – Dingac is Croatian and yum, it is good and along with a just fileted Mediterranean bass – big yum.
Friends of mine with 5 year old boys were telling me how the boys were caught by a neighbor peeing in the street – I said, well you’ll never find a girl doing that. The fact of the matter is boys are different – way different and tonight we were talking about this – me and a bunch of guys – and the consensus among them is that women civilize men. Most men recognize and appreciate this about women – I seem to believe I found every man in the world who resented it. Don’t know – maybe it’s just me.
I heard that there was the 4th murder in 40 years in Tiburon today and my only response is what goes on? Is Tiburon in some kind of collective torpor – I mean really – I am living in the murder capital of the US, so maybe I find it odd that somewhere else there are only 4 deaths in 40 years – the 4th in Tiburon was a 70 year old woman was shot in the head and found in her yard dead. Sad.
Right now, I’m in the midst of finishing Ghost Train to the Eastern Star – and disconcerted about the accounts of violence that humans perpetrate on each other – the Khmer Rouge, Turkmenistan, Vietnam – there is one point where Theroux is speaking about the horror and then realizes that Cheney has just said about our use of waterboarding, “it’s effective” – what goes on?
A friend said to me there is a thin line between us being civilized and us being savages.
I was speaking to a New Yorker today about 9/11 and he was telling me how that single catastrophe is something that most New Yorkers want to put in the past, forget about, and move on. The hustle bustle of New York once it resumed post 9/11 has yet to take another collective breath.
Yet, for us in New Orleans, Katrina caused a lot of soul searching – it fomented divorces, babies, marriages, career changes, and many other transitional pathways that opened up for those of us who went through Katrina. The event set off a wave of volunteerism that has yet to abate, our schools were reimagined, and neighbors relearned the value of helping each other.
Katrina didn’t devastate – it renewed.
My New Yorker friend said that 9/11 was a hiccup to New York and not much changed afterwards.
I learned a huge lesson in the last 15 years of my life and that is avoidance. The horn is blown for victory but there is also the soft sweet toot of retreat. Hardly anyone lays claims to the magic of avoidance.
Say you are faced with a person who has behaved time and time in a consistent way, one which is disagreeable to you – you might first try to change it, hit it head on, find a solution, but finding little success, you might simply retreat people – the horn is blown for retreat too – you must study the art of avoidance as a useful tool of deflection.
It is a studied art that I learned from a master. Avoid, ignore, make yourself invisible – problem, well maybe not solved, but certainly reduced to a trickle of annoyance.
So me and Obama are caught in traffic and there are thousands of police on each corner and I could just kick myself for having forgotten my Obama tee shirt.