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When I woke up the morning after my birthday I said from a dream state “where will I find happiness today” and sure enough the day brought forth lots of pleasant surprises. D, who gave me his card the other day on the bayou, stopped me again with his hand over his heart and said he is in love with my hair. I told him one day when I’m ready to get rid of it I will give it to him. The BSF made his usual way around and I caught up with N as all of these transactions were going down. BSF was a little more verbose than his usual good morning, but there is not a lot of talking you can do when you are running by someone.

Worked most of the day and about 4 decided to rally to go see Marcia Ball in Lafayette Square despite having polished off a case of champagne the night before. I picked up G and we met T there and there was double the crowd that has been at these concerts and everyone was in a joyous mood. Washboard Chaz played the intermission and brought the spirits up even higher. I saw M because he towers over everyone. Later when Marcia Ball came back on she sang Louisiana 1927 and everyone gathered together and raised their arms and looked to the heavens as we moved to the music. We made our rounds with everyone we knew there – talked at length to R about his motorcycle racing and red bull addiction. Then we caught up with several friends of G among them T, whose party is Saturday night, with his Colorado visiting friend J. We met up again at Loa’s after the wine bar G and I walked to turned out to be closed up. I shared horror stories with T about house renovation – apparently he started his February 2005 so he has me beat. I curbed my desire to go on and on about all the issues and talked about the future instead and how it would be great when it was finished. T said that T’s house is gorgeous and I said hmm, it’s the location of my house that inspires me. At one point I was talking about the house and I kept saying we this, we that, and T said who is this “we” and I just said me and my dog, Arlene.

G and I followed T and J back to MidCity to find food – Degas was open and still serving.

By this point – me with my “new best friend” G – had managed to thoroughly enjoy yet another wonderful day in New Orleans.

The forecast shows rain every day through the weekend – we can only hope they don’t know how to predict weather.

Turns out Cliff didn’t just touch my life – he touched everyone he came in contact with. He was E’s mail carrier and when he left – her block threw a going away party for him. She almost welped up when we were talking about him yesterday. No one can replace him. Meanwhile, I spoke to the PO yesterday – and here is a day in the life of a New Orleanian:

I went to get my hair done and M said I had an NSF check. I was surprised because I have overdraft protection on my credit card. Oh but let’s remember that my credit card got screwed up by “human error” and so there was no overdraft – but because I am not getting mail, I didn’t even know I was getting checks returned. Meanwhile, right before Katrina, the entire post office in New Orleans went automated – and now Big Brother Automation has taken over and is recreating change of address orders in the system as if they are new requests – so my Arlington evacuation change order got put into the system to start the beginning of April. In order to cancel it, I had to go to the PO and fill out form 3546 – a special Katrina form – to say I am where I am and could you please resume deliveries.

Meanwhile nothing I have ordered over the last two months has showed up – which is why the Raggedy Andy doll turned up “lost” in the mail.

My contractor sent me happy birthday greetings with dancing balloons, but no response to why no one is working on my house or has been for the last four days.

I could get grumpy – but it will all be better soon.

Fall to your knees.

Went for an early morning long bike ride – feeling surreal – hands out – fast ride – IPOD blaring – coming down the only hill, flat tire. Chin up – won’t let it get me down. Robin pulls up beside me says I’ll fix flat – does so in record time – says enjoy your ride – then takes off. Nice guy does good deed of the day – a mitzvah.

Maria spazzing a little because she wanted me to show up earlier than appt – does my hair like there is a fire coming – love it – across town, the Post Office automated system produced a change of address so D wasn’t lying when she said that when she took over from Cliff there was a change of address for me. Now it involves dealing with forms etc. I lay down and hear thunder and think uh oh about our bridge party tonight and then head to the PO to take care of business – rain rain rain – I ask PO woman could I have a garbage bag? I just did my hair – she says “us womens know hair” and she gets me one.

Raggedy Andy didn’t arrive in the mail so I went out and got a Groovy Girl and I sewed on a goatee and moustache and made the skirt a kilt to make it look like N. S wrote a limerick about N before she left for Mexico, which I won’t share with you because it is naughty and nasty the way all good limericks should be.

We arrived – N and the Snake, L with A who said she is staying another week, P without C but then C shows up later after his Buddhist meeting, K comes, H and T come, G is there, C rides up on her bike when I arrive, and we are all there then I see C and tell her to come join us – A says S is in Italy and he will join in – D is crossing the bridge and we snag her too – 12 bottles of delicious French Champagne, twist and food later – we are all cheering the burning of N’s effigy – everyone has something to say and it all says the same thing – they love me and don’t want anyone to hurt me – and they recognize his force in my life and want to expel it – so we burn several things – and everyone drinks to my moving on – and then I have an argument with the Snake about how you force yourself to move on because you have no choice – but it doesn’t stop your heart from breaking – and he argues that love is free will and I argue back I would break the ties that hurt me if that were so. We finish in disagreement.

And I told E today – she said she can’t be my friend because she is my therapist even though she wants to – and we said or I said – I did not have control over the circumstances but I have control over my reaction to it. And I know that what I need to do is move on because it is move on or experience heart ache and she agreed. And we talked about all the absolutes that have finally come around to being recognizable – I think the LaLa is a positive force in my life but so much so and so much about me that I have hesitated embracing it – and I think that holding W in my arms so tightly, the urge to merge, and smelling him made me realize for the first time that as much as I love him, I can love another the same way – with that much intensitiy – I decided there is no doubt I wll adopt a Chinese baby.

And this birthday was such a great birthday because it was filled with interesting people, in the most interesting city in the US or the world, and the food and the champagne and the conversation all mattered – and in the end it was about recognizing the depth of feeling and the links between people – the toasts I remember the most are T who said that coming back after Katrina and learning I was here made her returning matter – or C who was invited last minute and said “may your mistakes in the future be more interesting than those of the past” and I thought “oh my”. But we all agreed we liked that one.

Tonight we burned N in effigy – a Groovy Girl with a goatee and moustache and a kilt – my peeps want me to be loved and they absolutely resent my love seed being planted in fallow earth – where else should you be on your birthday but in the city you love, with the people you love, on a bridge with the stars and the moon and fire burning inside and out?

Today is the first day of the rest of the week – right? – Zen Masters of the Obvious – caught up to L this morning with the dogs and rounded the bend to the BSF running by and N and Renny soon made their way to us – we had one more good laugh about the Moss Man being schizophrenic – L not quite getting why we both get so tickled over this – and then N noticed that Muggs is open – or not – but another ZMOTO where she proclaimed it’s a shame Muggs is not ambiating. More giggles.

Returned to some work and dashed off to Metairie for a massage that my body craved.

But the deeper she worked her fingertips into me the more I realized my body was a mess and all the insides are still all messed up and I just lay there and weeped through the whole hour and a half of her touching me from head to toe front and back. Afterwards, I ran to the bathroom and was sick. I think it was a holistic purge – mental, spiritual, mindful, soulful, the heart, my kidneys, my brains, my eyes, my mouth, my ears, every piece of me had something that needed to be expunged.

I long for a time when all of me will be healed in total. I cling to the notion there will come a time.

Met up with A after work and showed her the LaLa and we talked about conduct unbecoming a gentleman among other things and she filled me in more on the details of a dilemma she is currently facing and I implored her to run, ney to shut it down, because the pain is formidable and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. But it all boils down to this – a lot of confusion comes from not getting what you need then accepting what you need from someone who is not authorized to give it. There are Roger’s Rules of Order and now there are Rachel’s Rules of Order.

Rachel’s Rules:

Touching is only welcome if it is – and you know if it is – anything else is groping and unattractive.

You cannot need too much (an E-ism) but don’t accept what you need from someone whose intentions are not 100% honorable.

Train people how to treat you – if you allow yourself to be a beast of burden you will surely be braying come sundown.

Live large and cast a wide net so your life is filled with interesting people, places and phenomena.

Open your heart wider than it wants to go – 99 out of 100 times it is worth the risk. (Rachel Roulette).

Proceed with love BUT do not do the emotional heavy lifting for anyone but yourself.

Trust your instincts – the most underrated and underused tool you have at your disposal is your gut.

Today may be the first day of the rest of the week but it was a day of purging while the rest of the week will be filling back up with all things goody – a celebration tomorrow eve on the footbridge for my birthday, Marcia Ball on the Square on Wed, joint birthday celebration lunch with N on Thursday, possible dinner at Brigtsen’s Thursday night, Friday fest, Sat fest and party, Sun fest and party for N’s bday as she is attending a funeral on her birthday, Monday S – in from SF – and I go to belated bday lunch.

At this point in time, right here in New Orleans, we’re living in the most interesting city in the US, possibly the world, and I am four days short of my first year anniversary back – hurricane season is 30 days away from starting – the LaLa remains so unfinished it is absurd – the promise of yesterday is having to be altered in midstream – but the promise of tomorrow holds vast and greater possibilities.