Dangermond.org

One of my favorite bumperstickers – it covers so many different topics and agendas. Orlando sucks. Just in case anyone out there doesn’t know it Orlando and Arlington suck. Sitting in a hotel conference room with 1500 other people listening to Al Gore talk about global warming – he put up images of UK barriers on the Thames and then Dutch dikes and then New Orleans levee system – the entire crowd laughed but me. It’s not funny. The Chinese use two characters for crisis – one means danger and the other opportunity. There are 15 – 20 million bloggers in existence right now – people who have decided to take the telling, the publishing and the distribution of their narratives into their own hands. It’s the new way.

S writes N and tells N that he broke promises to me and left me desolate.
des·o·late adj
1. bare, uninhabited, and deserted
2. solitary, joyless, and without hope
3. dismal and gloomy

The image would be of R, that’s me, pining for N, to such a degree that I am joyless and without hope. The bare and uninhabited are probably right – I told N he ruined me and so there, I am, deserted. But I’m not solitary, joyless and without hope or maybe I am gloomy and that is why Gomez wants my company so badly.

So as usual D tells B that everyone thinks poor N and bad S – and this is how rumors get started – so S tells N that he’s wretched and no good – N calls D and tells him the truth – tells him to tell everyone the truth – meanwhile P writes me and asks how I am when I’m in Orlando dying on the hotel room floor of heat prostration from a too hot run and I tell him I have new Mardi Gras scars as I am inspecting the new scrape on my knee – and P writes back – physical or emotional? – both I tell him.

Okay deserted might be accurate – since N is standing one block over with W all during Mardi Gras and can’t even manage to walk over and let me say hello and happy Mardi Gras to W. Oh what the hell – 5 1/2 years ago seems like the blink of an eye – what would the repercussions be to allow this life to blur into this life – “How am I supposed to handle this? You and I have no context.” – “We have our own context.” Hmmm. “Wind it in tighter.”

“I’m a luv sick puppy.”

So S and I went to dinner last night at Cuvee – it was too rich. The champagne was fabulous, but the food was way too far rich. And the waiter made fun of John Besh, my sweetheart, who just won Iron Chef – he said John was arrogant – and I said no way, he was not. I watched the whole show and loved when they asked him if he was nervous and he said, me and my boys have been through Katrina, they lost their homes, this is nothing! – that’s not arrogance – that’s the truth.

I survived Katrina so I think I can survive the rest.

Then we came back and just went to sleep early – I am still detoxing from giving up the cigs – not going well – and just exhausted from a week long Mardi Gras parade that segued into a conference in sucky Orlando. S leaves today – all of his stuff is ahead of him on a truck to LA. All the cabinets are stacked all around the house. He took the zebra chair and gave me the chair N made for him. Now I get the N chair. Great.

There are 15-20 million bloggers in existence right now – AH said you have to maintain intensity to keep your readers interested – and to think I was hoping to move out of intensity into a better place – N said he had a banner MG this year – I should have said fuck off but instead told him something else instead. He asked me about a month and a half ago why I didn’t just tell him to fuck off. “Why do you speak to me?”

S said N has a way of getting what he wants. He does something, and then gets S to apologize for calling him on it. The incredible Teflon man – that’s how S sees him. Nothing sticks.

I am going to start right this moment pursuing intensity.