We went over to mom’s to cook her lunch – pumpkin ravioli, spicy crawfish sausage, and broccolini. It was yum-arama. There is a physical, occupational, and nurse therapist showing up daily to help her walk on a walker, exercise and basically trying to get her healthy.
But she’s not.
There is an inside switch I have when I see her lurching over the sink nauseous that tries to divorce the occasion from feelings of regret, guilt, fear, and anger. I keep telling myself to be supportive, non judgmental, but it takes a lot to keep my overwhelming feelings in abeyance.
I think of a friend of mine who killed himself slowly with alcohol. You can’t help but be angry at the ones you love when they leave you helpless as their addiction isolates them in a world unto their own and speeds them to an early grave.
I saw a quote this morning when I was reading through a newsletter – “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could be different.”
I just keep thinking we all could use a little mercy now like Mary Gauthier sings about – my mother and I both.