At coffee with a friend late yesterday, we discussed the sexes and how they differ. I told her that I mistakenly have believed most of my life that men were human beings like she and me. They are human of course, but now I am starting to see, not like me. So for all the excuses or allowances I have given them in life, I played a part in my own sabotage by not being comfortable acting as a woman – or as you say in English, different.
In being a woman, I need to express myself by stating what I need, even if I “know” that those desires are purely because I am a woman and that the man is not going to understand. So what? He is getting what he needs (I might add all the time!) This all stems from growing up in a household where the men were to be admired and the women despised for what made them women – vulnerable, emotional, and irrational.
If I embraced those aspects of being a woman – admit that I am vulnerable, get emotional in the stating of it, and approach the next man I am in a relationship with, with irrational demands I think I will have passed go and get to collect my $200.
For now, I have to just practice. This starts by listening to my gut and when I am getting that NG (not good) feeling, saying, “What is missing from this picture?”
Then I need to insert myself into the picture and allow all of this woman-ness to unfold and watch how the dynamics play out.
By denying this large part of myself, I have made it comfortable for men to be, while having negated a strong part of myself. Allowing myself to be vulnerable, emotional and possibly come off irrational is to be celebrated as other in this context – for all that men bring to the table – stability, rationality, linear thought – what women bring is fascinating, changing, dynamic.
Don’t worry about what he will think if you disrupt his life – be disruptive.