I was in a celebratory mood last night having made the decision to rob Rachel to pay Rachel, but in the end I came home a little wistful from my attempt to celebrate.
S called late in the evening and talked about his first day on the job, which was fraught with all the hesitation and optimism that perhaps a first day on the job would have. Afterwards, I spoke with L and we caught up. He was not in his dark Gomez mood, but rather seemed light hearted. Perhaps his new squeeze is helping calm the dark storms in his mind. He said I should have invited him to Sip and I was going to, I thought of a couple of people I wanted to call, but in the end I felt force fields up and knew I wouldn’t be good to anyone.
While we were on the phone K called, prefacing hs call with I know you don’t want me to call you late at night. And your point? I thought, but didn’t call him back.
I caved and took an Ambien and still had a fitful sleep. Waking like my mind was on fire.