Thanksgivukkah

The confluence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah along with the arrival of cold and damp weather as well as all of this happening at the same time as my friend’s son’s bar mitzvah is enough to make anyone discombobulated.

As I approach the holidays or rather as the holidays encroach on me, I’m taking stock of how things are at this very moment. I have not had a glass of wine or any alcohol for three months. I managed to decorate the house for each holiday from Halloween to Hanukkah. I’ve been cooking up a storm and enjoying my new journey into gluten free.

So when I think back to where I was last year at this time – out of my mind – and where I am now – at peace – I’d say that whoa, what a difference a year makes.

My life had started rolling like a little ball accreting into a bigger ball until I could not even face myself in the morning. And then I tugged on a few main arteries and watched the whole house of cards tumble in on itself. Done. I was done, done, and done.

What ensued was a major reframing of my life that took away the foundation of my dream house, my career, my hair, my relationship, my pets, and the memories and dreams that had propped me up. None of them came with me into this new life. Not a hair on my chinny chin chin.

I thought about this recently when I was trying to figure out why there is always so much collateral damage along my journey and serendipitously I opened up a book that a woman had written about Black Angels. She made Black Angel cards to go along with the book of interpretations and divination. I opened the book to The Changer.

You are transforming the foundation of your soul.

You are transformation manifested in a human soul. You embody change from deep within. … Primarily, your divine work is creating a metamorphosis in others’ values and beliefs. … People can be uncomfortable with your evolution, and thus you may frequently suffer the loss of friendships. Transitioning from an old self to a renewed self is a serious practice for you. … Sometimes you get tired of transformation, but you can’t step out of it because it’s your nature.

Tomorrow is the first night of Hanukkah, Thursday is the first time Hanukkah and Thanksgiving have been at the same time since 1888 and it won’t happen again in my lifetime. Saturday, is the four year anniversary of my mother’s passing and it’s my friend’s son’s bar mitzvah – he was just a tiny baby and now he is ready to take on his own sins. Next week, we will have the first Hanukkah menorah lighting at the Spirit House. The following Friday, we will celebrate Tin’s homecoming anniversary (4 years).

The earth is spinning and where once I was accreting and accreting then I changed course and started shedding and purging and now I do believe I’ve reached a nice body weight – something I can live with inside and out. I’ve taken my time to rest and renew. It’s kept me from writing as much and it has brought me to reading too much. My monastic habits have suited me during the second half of a year that was fraught with so much change in the first half that not even those closest to me could keep up with where I was at any single moment in the advent of my new life.

Every year, I get to know more about who I am. Each upheaval offers me an opportunity to renew. Even traditions can alter and morph. This year, we will celebrate Kwanzaa as well as all of the other holidays – why not? – why not make every day from now till the end of the year a celebration? Bringing light into the darkness and giving thanks for our bounty.

I just continue to believe in the best possible outcome in the best possible world.

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