This too must pass
Saw E today with all the accounts of what is and what isn’t and she said all of it is normal – from my reluctance to move forward having given everything emotionally I had to give to N, to my surprise at S for becoming a cook and social butterfly post-marriage, to my intolerance of any man who picks on me – and in the last year or so I’ve had a few. It’s all part of the same plan. I’ve changed, he never was, he’s changed, they are the same.
She said I need a push – I need to force myself out of my circle and insert myself again in the game. Blah blah blah.
I don’t like what I see of the game, I say to her. She says, enlarge your circle.
What if I am comfortable here? I tell her. Didn’t you tell me living is not about being comfortable.
Allow what’s done to fade away so you can get on with your life – the horoscope says today.
I’m done with the past, it’s just that um, well, I’m guarded about the present – rightfully so – a wounded animal doesn’t offer her belly meats to another hunter.
She says, if someone picks on you, tell them they are hurting your feelings. Tell them specifically what they are doing because maybe they are not introspective and might not be able to put 2 and 2 together and know that their criticisms are biting, scathing, and unwelcome.
It’s all so daunting sometimes – so much easier to just tuck in and think small.
Small is safe.
Damn, just writing that makes me nauseous. Who is this person? I don’t know her at all.