Fears of uncertainty
Still waiting to hear about the refi and in the meanwhile, everything is on pause. Went to the dentist this morning and as he fixed a tooth that chipped, I worried about the whole falling apart stage – feet in bandages, eyesight on the blink, dental work that will require a mere $20K – how to roll with it and not fear what lies ahead – the uncertainty.
Called a bunch of media sources today that all had just an air – a touch – of desperation in their voices that didn’t sit well with me. Kind of like conversations that ended with “well Rachel, say your prayers we get this account we are pitching tomorrow” – what’s up with this world? – the economic data (other than housing) is not looking so bad – how is it that industries are under such pressure and yet the economic data is painting a different picture?
Bush wants to send 30,000 more troops to Iraq – I don’t want the troops he has there there. I remember as we went into this war this sinking feeling that I had no control over this – that we were going to war, wrongly, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it and the future seemed uncertain.
It was particularly acute when I went to see Lewis Lapham speak on a panel about what to do about going to war and I walked out, into the San Francisco chill (a pervasive feeling there) and thought, they don’t know jack shit. No one knows jack shit.
There is a letting go that needs to happen just to survive – but what are the things we should try to control? to predict? to strive for?