I got a disturbing voice mail message from my sister who I have been thinking about a lot recently since I have been in pain. The doctor told me to “stay ahead of the pain” and take the Vicodin on schedule whether I was in pain or not. I did okay on Friday but by early Saturday morning I was not able to keep anything down because the Vicodin had wreaked havoc with my stomach. So by Saturday afternoon I was in a lot of pain and couldn’t “get ahead” of it to save my life. By Sunday I had worked my way through it all and was able to stomach the Vicodin and keep the pain to a minimum, but yesterday and today trying to not take any Vicodin – I have had this throbbing and dull pain that just makes me moan out loud sometimes.
I thought about S with her RSDS and then she left a voicemail – the message was pretty much incomprehensible as she has been on strong pain medication since the dentist hit her maxillary nerve 4 years ago and RSDS developed. It makes me cringe to hear her because I know her to be a drama queen, and I can’t separate what might actually be real pain and real need for major drugs, from what might now have become an addiction to a low tolerance for any of life’s pain. I liken it to my mother’s rose colored glasses because she can’t fathom the reality of life so she drinks and thinks Polly Anna thoughts.
My lack of sympathy for this sort of behavior makes me not like myself because going through this foot pain, I should be empathetic at least right now.
The question hangs in the air – how to sympathize with a person who you don’t trust. How can my mother go take care of 150 drooling geriatrics and I can’t give my own sister the sympathy she might genuinely deserve. This might be where I need to the most work on my self – my ability to be sympathetic to the weak – I tend to freeze up and withdraw from those who exhibit vulnerability around me.
I guess that is better than lashing out like a snake at the weak – but the recoiling also isn’t pretty.