My internet was down yesterday and I had a bad head cold caught on the plane, but after a lot of sleep and hot tea, I got up this morning and walked the Bean around the bayou – it felt like years since we’d been out there. As I was walking up to the LaLa to get my mail, K pulled up. He said I want to talk to you.
The conversation began with him saying that “love does not equate to sex always” and I said to myself, self I said, where are we going with this? Then he said that I put out a lot of “sexual energy” but that his mission in life is to free people and he is trying to set me free by being here in my life. I nodded still unsure of the direction. He said he had found freedom. That his son and his lady friend had told him he was “free.” Interesting adjective, I said to myself. And that I needed to know what his mission was here at my house because now that he was free, he wanted to help others be free.
I said that’s good – you’ve reached nirvana. I, on the other hand, need to be free of the binds of the house so that I too can help others. Everyday I’m pulled by the house vampire that sucks away the spatial, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, and physical energy from me – I am waiting to be free of these binds so that I can move into the house and begin the lifelong process of attending to the minor details of the LaLa and the major details of helping others, helping NOLA, helping myself.
He said you are a great leader – for every one of you, there are 17 people – which I found to be complimentary since yesterday when I spoke with Christian, my tile guy, who was deep friends with Helen Hill, the woman recently murdered, he said for everyone of her we lose, it takes 14 to replace her. Christian, by the way, is getting out of the tile business to become a full-time activist. I heart him.
When all was said and done, I realized that K is trying to find himself and that it is a struggle. He tried to tell me that my sense of urgency needs to be addressed and I didn’t accept it – I said you know what, if my urgency conflicts with your journey, then so be it, it creates tension and conflict, but that doesn’t mean I need to change my persona to adapt to yours. (See, I lived in California long enough to walk the walk and talk the talk).
Meanwhile, he and Giovanni are interested in finishing the work on my house. They want to paint the addition. They don’t want to move to another project. They love the LaLa. K said he loves me.
For these reasons, I believe sometimes I have made good choices even if they are fraught with complexities – I have hope the LaLa will reach the necessary steps to allow me to move in at the end of February.