Swirling matters of the heart
I was reading that the Big Bang theory indicates that there is a piece of the big bang in all of us, sort of like god in all of us, or your own personal Jesus, or whatever you want to believe but that we are all linked to each other in some cosmic way. I know the cosmic links I’ve had with some, but on a large scale, no, I don’t feel cosmically linked to the masses.
I was feeding Tin yesterday while T went to go investigate a Turkish lesson for us, and I was staring into his eyes when a song came on my iPod, it was that song, Where have you been?, and I was smiling watching him eat and stare back at me and singing to myself and to him, Where have you been?, when the song got to the part where she is in the hospital and her husband is wheeled in, I flashed instantly back to my mother’s face lying in the hospital and her saying every time I walked in the door, “Where have you been? I was thinking about you” and tears sprang into my eyes and I cried out without thinking. Tin looked at me and started yelling and crying violently and I had to stop myself and switch gears pronto.
I told him I was thinking about his Mimi, who he didn’t get to meet in person, and that I had a tear of sadness in my right eye for her, and a tear of joy in my left eye for him and that the world was funny that way.
He calmed down as I smiled at him, but I knew what he knew, that the moment I laid eyes on him I knew him, and knew we were linked cosmically together and I also knew that just like my mother had relied on me to be the strong one, that he now would rely on me to be so also, and so it is with these things that swirl and twirl and create matter and make people matter to you no matter what.