And peace to all good men
I had an anxious night of sleep last night that held bizarre dreams of missing flights to New York for business, not being able to fit into any of my clothes and having to show up in a mumu, and by the time I woke up this morning I was exhausted from all the anxiety.
What do I have to be anxious about I asked myself? Self, I said, a lot or a little depends on how you look at it. I’m anxious and excited about another year of covering my industry, I’m anxious and excited about a brand new baby appearing in June, I’m anxious and excited about my loved ones with major emphasis on mom and Arlene, and I’m anxious and excited about Obama’s first year as president.
Maybe I was anxious because our discussion last night was about finding good role models of men for our child, how to do black hair if it is a girl, and general parenting concerns.
When I took a nice long walk with Loca through the park, I chirped up because the day was fantastic – the temp was in the high 70s, barbecue chicken could be smelled throughout the park, and lots of people were out. Loca and I walked by black children in an array of ages. A group of three kids, one older girl taking photos of two boys climbing a tree. Two teenage girls eating pizza on a bench. And countless children in the playground. I have become obsessed with hair – I looked at each child to see how their hair was styled. I wanted to ask the two teens about their hair because they had the best do’s and I wanted to know if they did it, their moms did it, or if they went to a salon.
Later, I was driving out to Harahan to go to Best Buy and get a new DVD player to put in the kid’s room, which is a transition room now – first we’ll have friends from Croatia coming then mom from Croatia, then baby eventually goes in there – so a TV and DVD/player is being installed.
For a moment while I was at a red light, I recalled my anxious dreams, and I had a passing worry about whether my black baby would resent me because I am white and didn’t instill enough cultural awareness in him/her. I took a deep, deep breath. Another truck pulled up beside me and honked the horn. I looked over and a black man gave me the peace sign and said Happy New Year and then smiled as he drove on. I let the breath go.