I’m late, I’m late, for a very important date

And that would be this date, today, the first day of the rest of my life, unagi – the rush of the day, of the gotta do, gotta get to it feeling that started the day is so palpable that I am moving at warp speed already and it’s only 8:30AM. Here’s a thought for the day – if today were it, the last day, the only day that matters – what would you do differently? 

Only you can’t think like that – that is how my father behaved all his life and it is how I do too most of the times – as if this is it, the last moment and make it count. But if that were the case, if this were the last day, I would call a certain someone right now and tell them I have to see, touch, hear you today – the day couldn’t end without this happening. I would have to text about twenty people and tell them why I love them. I would buy my mother flowers (and buy some for myself) – peonies, expensive and always worth it. I would have my IPOD on my entire playlist and listen to it nonstop. I would nuzzle my dogs and run in the park with them (check, did that). I would eat spaghetti and meatballs with tons of parmesan cheese on top. I would fix a perfect Manhattan with Bookers bourbon and savor it on my front porch while I looked at the  bayou. I would eat a beignet hot from the oil. I would visit my father’s grave. And dance on mine. 

But if I rushed to do all of these things and life continued, what would be left for tomorrow? And if I gave up all my love in a single divulging then why would it be so special and what would they have to wait for or wonder about – what mystery would I bring to them to sustain us? And if I used myself up in one single day, who would greet me when I woke tomorrow?

So today is a day to remember one of my daily affirmations – hesitate at the gate just ever so slightly – so that you can pace yourself and enjoy yourself and others will always be left wanting instead of being saturated by you as if you were a comet – be a star instead – twinkle, shine, light up, burn bright – or a planet full and fecund and emanating light – but slowly turning so that the sun and moon cover every inch of you within a full rotation.