I went over to take J home and L was home alone with the other two – her neighbor had asked her over for a little party but she had all three kids and couldn’t go so I said, go for a little bit, I’ll sit here with them while you’re gone. I sat there and realized how trapped a woman feels with children tethered to her, how one could get depressed, and how conflicting it must be to love a child so greatly who also feels like its kicking the dirt on your coffin with its heels – god bless mothers – who the hell would sign up for this kind of work voluntarily?
I thought of my own mother when I drove home – 20 years old – four young boys suddenly in her care and a daughter on the way – by the time she got pregnant with me she was already drinking.