Something to look forward to
I’m watching Ava Duvernay’s When They See Us. It’s a tough one. Tin and I watched the first episode together and I realized it was too much for him; it is too much for me. There is a scene where the family is visiting one of the boys and the mom tells him he needs to have something to look forward to and I paused – huh? – something to look forward to?
What do I have to look forward to?
There are obvious answers – watching my son grow up healthy and strong.
There were the things four weeks ago – seeing the 100 Men Hall flourish. I might have said being able to take a vacation – something along the lines of a camper with Tin, Lord Chill and Stella driving across the U.S. There was a latent desire to build a nest egg for retirement since I’ve depleted my 401k slogging through the last nine years of dwindling contract work.
Something to look forward to is special. When I was young it was about getting my book published. In my 30s and 40s, it was having a child. The future held all the magic.
Now, I don’t really look forward to anything. I hone in on what’s in front of me. I go to sleep each night grateful I made it through the day. I wake up each morning grateful to be in my bed and alive. The 2005 Federal Flood, 2008 Recession, COVID-19 and the 2020 Market Crash are proof tomorrow is and will always be iffy.
On my walk this morning I saw a yesterday-today-and-tomorrow bush in full bloom. That was exciting. The Brunfelsia pauciflora is a nightshade plant endemic to Brazil – there they call it Kiss Me Quick. The flowers last for three days and change color each day – white, pink and purple.
