It has already begun

My new life arrived a moment ago, a day ago, last week, sometime in this year, perhaps it was last summer during a New Orleans rainstorm – I don’t quite remember the exact moment, but it’s here.

Last night, I went to a soiree – let’s call it that, although it was simply a gathering of writers, book store owners, journalists, and yes, Chris Rose. Ex-Times Picayuners. It was held in this hidden world atop a parking garage off St. Charles Avenue. You rode up the rickety elevator, pushed back the metal gate, and stepped onto marble floors and into a stage setting for a life I’ve imagined. Large glass door archways gave way to a stormy sky and the side terraces that were so large, my whole house would fit into one side, and then there were rooms and rooms of art, and hidden gardens and a photography studio, Butler’s pantry and a smoking and media room complete with three large screens. Red sheer silk covered sofas and chairs. An enormous ceramic wood stove oven stood majestically in an alcove.

Where was I?

I turned and spoke to the woman by my side who turns out to be nearly two decades older and yet she was ravishingly beautiful. During the course of our conversation, I asked her if she was seeing anybody because she said she was no longer with her sons’ father, she said “no, but I do have a few young lovers.”

I didn’t want to step out of this dream.

There was a cat with copper-colored fur and exaggerated gold eyes that occasionally showed up for an ankle rub down and the entire house smelled like Popeye’s fried chicken, which was on the menu. But the clincher was this – I had been imagining this bathroom that I had in a hotel I stayed at in Bali – one that I have always hoped to recreate – and then I walked into the bathroom of the master suite and there was my tub with the plate glass window looking onto a dreamy garden of statue and leaf.

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Uncanny, how this seems to happen so often in this new life, where images manifest from my imagination and people appear larger than life and encounters are more a puzzle piece from my own mystery than not. It’s as if Neil deGrasse Tyson were my spirit guide here in this multiverse.

Neil deGrasse Tyson
An informed opinion is never based on somebody else’s opinion, lest you empower others to do your thinking for you.

See, I have become, as the adages say, more of who I am and in that transformation, the interstitial veil that separates me from magic has grown thinner. I do see myself standing in a whirling planet able to hold myself stiller than inert matter, and yet I feel that tendrils and roots are growing out of me and connecting me with hidden dimensions. And yet, sometimes I spin.

I left this gathering, and drove to my friend’s to sit on her porch and talk into the wee hours of the night. We wrestled with past and present relationships. Relationships it seems have been defined for us – our relationship to our current state, who we love, even the numbers of people we should be loving at any one time – and yet, it is discordant with our reality – these edicts and bylaws – the parts are greater than the sum as if the math doesn’t work anymore so now there are affinity groups instead of reality loops.

To everything there is a Come to Jesus, and this now, this moment I’m in is a time of being because I’ve arrived fully into this particular chapter of the story of my life. My feet have even grown half a shoe size as if I needed physical evidence. It’s as if I have burned myself in effigy. I’m birthing one of the many books I will write in my lifetime. I have the privilege of experiencing life through the eyes of a six year old child. I feel no tug of war between the the polarities of gravity and weightlessness – I welcome both even when they follow each other in rapid succession – the rush is exhilarating. Life Don’t Frighten Me At All.

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6 Responses to “It has already begun”

  1. MUDD Says:

    What a THRILLING read!
    You go, girl!!!

    LOVE ALWAYS
    Mudd
    XOX

  2. Rachel Says:

    Mudd – I’ve been thinking what if everything we thought we knew was not necessarily a lie, but simply incomplete? I keep assessing each emotion as it arises – guilt if I’m not in perpetual motion, stress if my agenda gets hijacked, sadness over endings long overdue, and so I’m must trying to reassess. How did we get like this – there is this vast universe that we are part of and the minutia of grievances and heartbreak and longing gain too much space. It’s like those starlings stealing nests and eradicating variety. Negative things want to sit on our heads – and if we let them perch too long they become squatters.

    That and I just started watching the series Masters – whoa, smoking hot. Ha!

    We have a good life, right. Sending you a million starbursts. Love, R

  3. Rachel Says:

    BTW – this all came about because I was writing somethings that I wanted to manifest on my chalkboards when it occurred to me that I was waiting for these things to happen – that I was writing the things I wanted to happen so that I can say, yay. I erased that board and said, it happened. My new life began. I’m here. It was liberating.

  4. MUDD Says:

    Oh how I love reading about your journey… your awakening… your resurrection! You’ve come a long way, baby 🙂

    MORE LOVE
    Mudd
    XOX

  5. Rachel Says:

    Thanks Mudd – we both have and like you said you were able to talk the talk before but now we are walking the walk (together). Love, R

  6. MUDD Says:

    Yeah…
    Walking the walk…
    And DANCING.

    You are a precious friend!!!
    XOX

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