A cure for anxiety
I was born into a genetic framework that made a cushy and lush home for Anxiety. My mother had it, others in my family have it and I certainly have it. It. I’ve learned over the years that IT is its own thing – a creature that once fed will grow fat and ornery – and I’ve tried everything – slaying it, ignoring it, and even medicating it. The truth is that the best advice I can give you is to leave out the welcome mat for Anxiety.
Why?
Because anxiety is a reminder that we are not living in the present.
For example, I met a man and sparks flew and he instantly wanted to marry me and run off to the beach, and I freaked, and then he was leaving to go back to Florida, and then I softened, and then he was wanting to rush into a relationship with me, and then I freaked, and then he was up down and all around and so my anxiety got set off – what is he doing in my life, what am I supposed to do with him, and where is this all going????? As soon as the questions start about what next, the anxiety flares like a bottle rocket hissing and spitting fire all over our ankles causing us to jump up and down. The flip side is that when I just enjoy his presence as a gift when it is here, present, anxiety subsides, joy mounts, and all is sweet in my world.
Similarly, here we are at the end of the year and what awaits next year? Why of course – debt, work, dieting, getting back into a rhythm, and all those other bugaboos that have made anxiety creep back up, ramp right up, and flare on up and suddenly I’m moving around that tightly wound little path I have formed in the floor – a similar path my mother took. A circuitous route to nowhere fast. I’m circling myself – fearing the future – I’m in a word, anxious.
Should I stop, be here now, and take some beautiful breaths, perchance force myself present, I could get out of this screw before it locks me in.
Anxiety is about tomorrow.
Regret is about yesterday.
Today is a gift.
I’m grateful for ______ is a prayer that needs to be firmly on my lips.
Breathing needs to be my medication.
A friend and I sat at dinner last night sorting through our anxieties about work, love, and life and we had no answers because we were wound too tight in the web of our own deceit. We have lied to ourselves about who we are and what we want. We’ve taken on our bad memories as future indicators. We have painted our canvas with bottles of used up paint. We have bought into what others have said our “loves” and our “lives” and our “success” should look like – we’re guilty of using external yardsticks and we’ve bought into the selling of a one size fits all “dream” – and for that we feel like big FAILURES. Unsure of our desires and doubtful of our ability to write our own narratives.
This means we have fallen off the path.
And so, today, a few days before the new year, I am recommitting to the strength of my own character and my self knowledge and my gut to find my way out of the dark and back into the light. I’m going to change anxiety girl – the stick figure – back to the well rounded self-actualized woman I am becoming.