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I was listening to a doctor here in the U.S. this morning who volunteers in Liberia every year and has now lost three colleagues there to ebola. She said that the stress of having to suit up each time you go into the situation, and then do it again and do it again maybe three to four times a day is like fear, release – fear, release – fear, release. And yet, she is going soon to help care for the doctors there who are exposed to the virus.

You wonder how people do the extraordinary things they do in life. It truly is amazing to behold. On one hand, you have these idiots trying to hoard money, killing and raping, and turn a blind eye to starving children and yet, on the other side, you have human nature at its most giving and forgiving.

I went this morning to have my ultra sound on my thyroid, to find out about the growth my endocrinologist felt at my last visit. I didn’t realize I was worrying about it because actually the pain in my hip had taken over my daily mental angst, but then last night, I could not sleep to save my life. So I got up and took an Atavan and soon I was in dreamless land, snoring away.

When I got the exam, the first woman said it would take 45 minutes and after lubing my neck and running the scan for about 20 minutes and making some “hmmm” noises, she called in her boss, who came in and did the same “hmmm”, and then they called in a doctor. They then muttered a little to themselves, saying things like, “classic Hashi” and in unison, “hmmm.”

By this point, perhaps I was sweating a little bit, but I continued to focus on my breathing – I was in the midst of meditation having not had time to do it before leaving my house. The doctor at last said, “Boring!” and then began to show the first woman my “beautiful” lymph nodes, directly off course from the organ we were there to examine. The second woman showed me an image of my thyroid that no longer looks like a butterfly but instead like a moth eaten piece of paper. “Classic Hashi” she repeated. The Hashimoto’s disease has attacked my thyroid and was attempting to chew it up and spit it out before it was saved by synthetic thyroid, which has stanched the disease.

My metamorphosis is now in perpetual stasis.

The three wise women dismissed me, saying there are no nodules or growths and what my doctor was feeling was my chopped meat of a thyroid with holes that will be filled in with scar tissue over time. Knowing this still makes me swallow harder, even though the verdict is a good one – all clear. I asked the first woman if she could scan my hip and they all thought I was kidding. I wasn’t.

I drove home, a sudden gush of endorphins flooding my system – fear, release.

So today, I’m not dying from thyroid cancer, my hip after four chiro visits and one deep tissue massage is actually the best it has been in weeks. Yes, I did get a call from the guy’s car I backed into in Sake’s parking lot (I left my business card on his windshield), and Stella does have another UTI – I was capturing her urine this morning during the lunar eclipse (in a side conversation with one of the woman examining me this morning, I learned her cat has a chronic UTI that was brought on by stress for which she now has to go through the house spraying cat pheromones and lighting candles to make the cat’s life stress free). Maybe Stella got stressed in the kennel – poor thing was only 6.5 months old when I flew off and left her to the wolves (according to her) and what she needs now is to just relax.

Fear, release.

Tomorrow is another day.

And now back to our morning walks – yippee!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 8th, 2014 at 8:20 pm and is filed under Main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.