First we fast, then we feast
Yesterday, I spent the day in Baton Rouge in a meeting with the Secretary for the Louisiana Department of Family Welfare and several groups of foster to adoptive parent associations. I was making my case for training of industry professionals and prospective parents about race and parenting. It was a long day, it was a fulfilling day, and it was interesting and eye-opening from the get-go. I had poured myself a cup of tea and the tag on my tea said, “Be proud of who you are.”
Racing home through almost 5 o’clock traffic, I was able to leap in the house and do a James Brown turn around and head out to a Waldorf parent/teacher committee meeting that lasted until 9PM – a meeting that seemed to drone on as my interest in the topic had waned and my feeling of fulfillment was lacking. I came outside and someone had run into the side view mirror on my truck and I had to search for more bungie chord to tie it up. I had forgotten it was Friday, the 13th.
I also forgot Yom Kippur had begun at sundown. I hadn’t really eaten all day and I was starving and I ate some crackers in the school meeting. My goal because I had gotten a babysitter was to head over to Tipitina’s for D.J. Soulsister’s 8th annual birthday bash. I wanted to dance and groove out after this week, but I didn’t go. I was hungry, still not realizing it was Yom Kippur and that I usually begin my fast at 10PM, and I knew there isn’t any food at Tips.
So I pointed the truck towards home, stopped at the bank to pay the babysitter, and then decided to go to Felipe’s, the new branch that opened down the street. I parked and made my way with my umbrella and arrived at a scene that almost made me spin on my heels and go home. Everyone looked like they had already had one top shelf margarita too many and all I wanted to do was sit at the bar and get a bite. I did sit at the bar, and sit, and sit, and sit. After 20 minutes I got my umbrella and purse and went back to my truck and came home.
When I got in, I had all sorts of visions of making myself something to eat but I couldn’t get in the groove of what that might be and so I decided to just forget it. When I crawled into bed, I remembered that it was Yom Kippur. And decided that some force was keeping me from eating and it certainly wasn’t me.
Since the babysitter is a friend and was spending the night, I got up the next morning and spent most of it in my room in my annual contemplation. Forgiving myself. Forgiving others. Asking forgiveness. And writing down how this year has been in my Wonder Woman journal. The first entry in this book is from 1998 and is entitled “Ideal Scenario for My Life” – nice – ha, ha ha – that was back in the day when I must have thought I was really in control of the outcome. I couldn’t imagine entitling anything as “ideal” knowing what I know now. All of the things I listed under this ideal scenario are amusing though – I wanted to develop a career (which I did), I wanted to make a professional salary as a writer (I did), I wanted to live comfortably in a nice house with a garden (I did/do), I wanted to accept my face and body and appreciate the way I look (I have), I wanted to be in nature more (never enough), I wanted to travel comfortably (I have), I wanted to have good friends (I do), I wanted to go home to New Orleans and see my mother as often as possible (sigh), and I wanted to have a hopeful outlook on my life’s possibilities (and that is where you find me 15 years later).
I fasted all morning, I meditated, and then I began cooking. I made coconut rice and lentils, shrimp and tamarind curry, roasted asparagus, roasted napa cabbage, and brown rice. Then I took the babysitter and Tin to the Amusement Park in City Park and we rode crazy rides. The first one we got on went all around and spun around and Tin at first was freaking out but we told him to scream and once he started screaming as the ride was going fast, he totally got it. We went on the beautiful old fashioned carousel, Tin went on the airplane and motorcycle rides twice, we went in the ship, and he went in the Goofy house, he and our friend went down the gigantic slide and then we walked over to Morning Call and I broke my fast with beignets and cafe au lait.
Here’s to a sweet life! I said to my dining companions as they stuffed the pillowy goodness of fried dough and powdered sugar into their eager mouths. Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of a little girl with her grandmother – I knew who she was and knew that she was about to turn eight years old. Seeing her flickered a memory in my mind of eight years ago when I had fallen prey to idealizing – people, situations, and love. I wore a groove in that story so deep the bottom fell out.
Then we came home and friends came over – friends came with their two year old, friends came with their guitar and lyrics, friends came and we all feasted and then we sat in the living room and sang the Doobie Brothers and Sade songs and one person played the thumb piano, Tin played the drums, someone had the egg, another the tambourine. Out of everyone in the room – some were vegan, some were gluten-free, four were not drinking alcohol for gout, inflammation, diet, or Hashimoto’s.
And I had entered nirvana – I had blown the shofar to start my day and to end the ten days from Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur – to end the ten days where the Book of Life was opened and God was deciding what the next year would look like – it came to me, sitting there with everyone, singing Sade’s lyrics: “There must have been an angel by my side/something heavenly led me to you/Look at the sky/It’s the color of love/There must have been angel at my side/Something heavenly came down from above/He led me to you/He led me to you/He built a bridge to your heart/All the way/How many tons of love inside/I can’t say … I realized I am living the ideal scenario for my life – dig?
There are days in your life where you have to say AMEN – today was one of them.
My horoscope after coming from Baton Rouge:
September 14, 2013
Taurus (4/20-5/20)
You’ve been anxious about an upcoming interview, date or audition — but today, you need to relax about it! Whatever you’re about to do will go very well for you, there is no question about it. You’ve got the skills and the personality that everyone is looking for. You’re the right fit for that job, for that single cutie, or that role. There is something attractive about you and it’s going to open a lot of doors. Be confident and know that there is no one on earth who is quite like you!