Clarity under a rock
Tin woke this morning with fever again and he clung to my body and would not stop saying, “I love you.” How is it that you want these moments and when they come you’re worried more than overjoyed? His fever has subsided but then again so has the thermometer – which broke the last time we took it – (97°) – and so deep breath and here we go, day three of the Summer Cold.
I’m trying to think how to get through this day when I have work piling on top of piles. I forged a deal that goes like this – an hour of free play and then he can watch a video. This is not my best parenting, but then again, this is where we’ve come to. Yesterday, I broke and he watched a 30-minute video at almost 5PM, the day before he watched two videos – one in the morning and one in the afternoon to give me time to set up calls that I cannot now do.
My days have gone like this – a client says he can’t pay – a top source connects me with the head of an agency saying, “Rachel’s the best, you should speak to her” – always in life there is the agony and the ecstasy and always at the same time.
Yesterday, I stopped into Ricca’s, which forever was a mecca of everything worth salvaging from the architecture of New Orleans. Only, after the 2005 Federal Flood a lot of what we have salvaged was destroyed, so only now are there pieces showing up here and there. I went to find out about shutters as I have none on my twelve large windows and we are in the midst of hurricane season. If I had to evacuate, I would have to board up the windows. Then there it was – waaaa waaaa waaaa – calling to me – The cypress cupboard that fits perfectly in my kitchen, which was removed from a kitchen uptown on Robert and St. Charles because the family was upgrading – another woman’s trash, my treasure:
My clarity goes like this – I want that cupboard – then this morning with reality descending on me by being woken up by a four year old who said, “I caca’d – get out of bed and change me!” – I woke to another day with my son sick and needy, another day I don’t have help, and another day I have to try to work as best as possible in adverse circumstances – focus on the positive and do what you can. No judgment.
Clarity – it’s what’s for breakfast.