Karma – and what you make of it

A friend stopped by today, a singer who has that Abbey Lincoln sultry jazz voice. We were talking about karma – as I told her I just paid my debt for an affair I had now eight years ago – I paid that debt for seven hard years. So I’m done. I have no balance on my karma. She said do you really believe it was karma. I said since birth I was always someone who had instantaneous karma. So I’m sure that’s what just happened to me. I could never even steal a piece of gum where someone didn’t steal my car within hours. Payback is hell.

Karma

But as Lena Horne said and I really do love this quote, “It’s not the burden that weighs you down, it’s the way you carry it.” And so I think that is where my learning curve has had to kick in. Today I woke thinking I understood the day’s tasks at hand only to receive the most ridiculous request, which made me just throw my hands up and say fuck it. I had just been putting together a list of attributes of the house and who to call and what the paint colors were – seven years of my life’s blood – and what, not good enough? WTF?

So I got in the bath. That’s right. I ran a bubble bath and I immersed myself in the six foot deep soak tub drowning myself in the soothing waters and just whispered happily, “Doesn’t matter if I stay or I go. Either way I’ll be fine. This much is true.”

AnaisNin

Karma, at the end of the day, is what you make of it. And though I’ve been in the throes of some horrific payback, this much I know is true. I won’t ever have an affair again.

And as for all that has happened to me in the past seven plus years – I grew – I grew twenty feet tall, I’m an Amazon, and I am still growing tall – tall enough to eat the leaves from the trees like a giraffe.

Oh yeah.

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