Rallying for a good hair day
I was committed to staying in last night as I still have work piled up that needs attention. But at 7:30 last night with a little coaxing from my friend who had just spent a bloody fortune to have her hair cut, colored, and highlighted, I had to rally for her hair. I mean, after all, you can’t just sit home with a great do. So we went to Byblos and along the way the course of me rallying and her great hair got subsumed by a graver issue.
You can’t change a person and I am all about forgiving a person’s weaknesses, but when those weaknesses affect you, it is hard to turn the other cheek. So this time, when it happened, I got pissed and I responded.
I told my friend I felt I was being underminded by her actions, which led me to not trust her motives and in the end, if I didn’t address it, gone unnoticed, our bond would slowly erode over time till we drifted apart – that is Script #1. I know how I have reacted in the past to these situations. I have been quiet, and not said what was on my mind because I felt like I didn’t deserve to be mad, or hurt, or vexed about a transgression. But this time, with Script #2, I did not hide my discontent.
Speaking up could very well be the manner in which relationships strengthen (or not), but I think harboring hurt or anger leads nowhere.
In the end, it was the right thing to do – to address this issue head on – albeit, it is very uncomfortable to tell someone you love that hey, this thing you do, hurts me. I’m getting way better at it – I’ve noticed – since undergoing my own self-actualization and getting in better touch with what I actually want in life (and need), I’ve changed. I’m done with being alive solely to make sure those around me have what they want and need.
I’ve learned that my newfound willingness to speak to the heart of the matter is very uncomfortable for me – and very uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end – but life is not about being comfortable – and those that don’t like being around me because I am this person have the option of seeking other friendships that aren’t nearly as complicated – or rewarding, in my estimation.
Later, having a nightcap at Delachaise, I was in a much better place about who my friend is and who I am. And felt good that I didn’t sweep my needs under the carpet to make her world a better place. Plus her hair really did look terrific.