In Franklinton, in someone’s yard, is a marquis that says: A wise son heareth his father’s instruction. Was dad being maybe a touch melodramatic? As tomorrow approaches and I contemplate my father’s own passing and my own parenthood in general, I am wondering if anyone who chooses to be a parent ever really knows what they are doing.
Yesterday, after spending the day where my mother comes from, around her people, meeting a man who went to school with her, people who knew her but not me, visiting her grave, I wondered if there will ever come a day when I miss her less. Two days ago I had called my grandfather’s wife to check on her after an operation she had had and she said, “I miss your mother.” Yes, so do I.
So last night, when Tin and I were having dinner outside with the misters going full blast, I listened as the father and son next to me argued. The elder – you cannot disrespect her that way, I brought her there because she would do anything for you and you cannot … The younger – I was not saying that, it’s just that …. I couldn’t make out the exact argument but it went on from the bible to respect for a grandmother to who is the man now to just about every plane a grown man and his father could traverse and yet I felt like they were getting to no higher plane by the time Tin and I had finished our meal. I walked over to them as we were leaving the restaurant and said, “I just spent the day visiting my mother’s grave, my grandmother’s grave, and this Saturday is the 26th anniversary of my father’s death and I want to tell you that I wish I had at least one of them here at the table with me tonight. If I could say anything to you it would be to just open your heart to each other.”
I love him, the father said, he’s my son. I love him, the son said, he’s my father. I said I know I can tell by how much you are trying to communicate, but I was just thinking that I wish I had one of my parents here to even have an argument with because I feel tonight like an orphan and that I wish my son would have known only one of these big people in my life.
They both gave Tin a kiss and we left.
A wise daughter knows there is no yesterdays or tomorrows, today is all we have.