Comfort
New Year’s Eve 2005 – An Eventful Year (ahem)
2005 is almost at a close and all I can say is THANK GOD “this has been a year of too much unraveling, restlessness, catastrophe, change, and uncertainty. The star I see every night through my window is already up in the night sky and my wish tonight is different than usual – it is a wish just for me – tonight it is all about me.
Tonight, the parties are going to be missed, the bonfires will burn without me, the fireworks are already making the Bean quiver, my cold requires nursing, my soul requires healing, and I’m snuggled into my daybed with chick flicks and hot tea and thankful to be alone tonight to nuzzle my red nose into a plethora of soft tissues.
Good session with E what are you afraid of? She introduced fears I hadn’t imagined then applauded my burst of anger, congratulated the limits I am introducing, and said “I predict rough seas ahead, but you’re making progress. I handed her the paperwork she had asked me to fill out “the question: what issues are you wishing to discuss? CROSS COUNTRY MOVE, AFFAIR, EVACUATION, DIVORCE, HOUSE REMODEL, MIDLIFE CRISIS. I laughed when I handed it to her. Therapy right now for me is better than a night at the Four Seasons.
Today would have been S and my 14th wedding anniversary almost made it, not quite. S has moved on. I am moving on. Sadness taints the edges not the center. A good 14 years or perhaps 10, well worth the memories, and the photo albums they fill. I remembered this afternoon a moment in Cafe Puccini over a decade ago, sitting by the large window, North Beach in full bustle outside, watching S order two glasses of Chianti at the counter, and feeling utter joy in my soul. Sadness taints the edges not the center.
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell – natch.
My talk with S – living is not about being comfortable – move out of the granny unit, get the house she has been wanting give up old ideas, gain new ones. Later a missive from C apology, acceptance, and you have always been willing to step out of your comfort zone. Must be today’s thought of the day – “I can find you no comfort” the note left by Sue last year on my desk when she was looking for the comforter I left airing on the clothesline.
So we round up the letters for auld lang syne – K is MIA. L is restless. S is looking to borrow our champagne glasses for his New Year’s party. N and the Snake have gone to Ponchatoula to recuperate. N is in New York in the cold, light snow. Here or there, everyone is awaiting the promise of the new year and a better life.
Quotes to begin the year:
“To not use your life for all it’s worth, to not risk everything, would be a waste of a life. The less you live, the more you die in the end.”
Francis Ford Coppola
One of S’s missives from July this year “ she prefaces with – this could have been quoted by Rachel Dangermond –
Early in my business career I learned the folly of worrying about anything. I have always worked as hard as a I could, but when a thing went wrong and could not be righted, I dismissed it from my mind.
Julius Rosenwald, philanthropist
And O “my copilot – sends her end of year note that ends with:
amazed at your strength and never-dying spark, oh, what the hell a bursting flame!
“Try to stay passionate, leave your cool to constellations. Passion, above all, is a remedy against boredom.”
Joseph Brodsky
Lastly, from N midyear [devoid of context]:
not really concerned about fair as you are aware. Opportunist
and his last missive:
Wide Awake in 06