Main category.
Today marks two years since I decided to stop drinking. My mom was an alcoholic and people in my family have died or continue to live under its influence. I have married alcoholics. I have fallen for alcoholics. I have been attracted to alcoholics. I was fond of saying I am not an alcoholic, though I could be a lush. It wasn’t until I faced the truth of my son’s needs that I was able…
You arrive at a certain age and think you know the handbook, cover to cover, play by play, and yet you don’t. The reason you don’t is because you’ve changed and since what you do comes from what you know when you are entering something new – all you have is what you have experienced before to guide you. What if everything has changed? You wake up one day and so much time has passed…
Forget Everything And Run Face Everything And Rise A woman mentioned this the other day in my ACA meeting. I love delving into my fear – now that I know how to recognize it. I try to cut through my mental and physical chaos to get to what I’m feeling – especially when I am nervous, excited, overstimulated, fearful and believe a person is causing these feelings. I try to sink back into individuation –…
I met a man whose beliefs are different from mine. It made me stumble. I walk on firm footing of who is right and who is wrong. And he stands in the wrong lane. Which made me reel back and re-evaluate whether I dislike those who are wrong as much as I thought I do. If they are wrong, and he is wrong, then why are we still talking? I want to be with the…
Freedom. I want to be free of all of the heaviness of my past, all of the anxiety of my future, and all of the constraints I have learned to wrap myself in like a funeral shroud. I believe in avenues that will help me grow and become freer. And yet. I struggle with imaginary chains too much. I believe growth will come from following my bliss into my own adventure. I just bought the Vintage,…
I was speaking to someone late into the night, exchanging war stories about our lives and then I found my friend going down a rabbit hole. The intent was clear, and my friend even said “I guess I wanted to know if you’re as bad as I am.” I said my escapades were mistakes of the heart not otherwise. I’d rather be whole than good. ~Carl Jung I heard this quote the next day on…
As long ago as October of 2007, I was in Istanbul and my friend’s neighbor read my fortune from a teacup. We sat in the living room, on the ground floor of an apartment building that faced the Bosporous Sea, and this woman clucked her tongue in Turkish, your heart has no roads in, it is blocked solid. I will attest to the fact that it remained this way for too long a time. It…
Today, I woke and made bad coffee. So then I made another pot. I went to the San Pedro Riparian Habitat and missed the turn, but a guy working on a street project said to go back and to the east and then look for the cottonwoods. East? Thankfully that was indicated on the GPS. Cottonwoods – I know and they were lovely to behold as they came into view – stretching north and south.…
The last week at the onset seemed an uphill climb. At the Hall, there was a retirement party, our Lava Lounge, then Reggae Fest, two TV spots at the buttcrack of dawn (my Russian friend likes to call it this), then a wedding, where I would be presiding, and that was just at the Hall. In my private life there was a disappointment to overcome. It started with the disappointment and as is my tendency,…
A woman I know is running a business in Biloxi, and she is a working mother. I asked her how she is doing, and she said, “One thing for sure no one is coming to save me.” Today, we did a meditation and the first question was when was the last time you asked for help? My answer, yesterday when I asked Terry and Bill to come help me set up the Hall. Owning a…