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Yesterday the Bean collapsed after a light round of ball playing on the bayou sending me into a funk of all funks. Then to K’s to demo the house but ripping out the insulation affected me so bad I had trouble staying in the house and kept having to go out for air. Then calls about the house from B and subs needing checks and brother B acting retarded and lo and behold as I…
As this year unwinds, today is the first day where there is a purpose to being here and I’m pulled outside of self-centered endeavors. The LaLa is still a struggle to figure out how to get finished – so many moving parts still yet to come together. Today it’s over to Kim’s to help one of the ones that truly lost everything, the house, the rabbit, and everything contained within – to gut what’s left…
Playdate then to N’s to open presents and drink Baileys and tea and do a little twist and that was the most fun opening presents I’ve ever had! Then a chicken bath and a long long run and then home to bathe and scrub the watermark off of Arlene once and for all. Porch sitting with L then to see the girls and light the menorah armed with one of N’s delicious satsuma pies. Now…
Anti-Love Poem Sometimes you don’t want to love the person you love You turn your face away from that face Whose eyes lips might make you give up anger Forget insult steal sadness of now wanting To love turn away then turn away at breakfast In the evening don’t lift your eyes from the paper To see that face in all its seriousness a Sweetness of concentration he holds his book In his hand the…
“Are you waiting for me or am I dreaming?” said aloud in a land far away – and now I think “Are you walking towards me, or am I dreaming?” My hair worn the way you like it least. Shaking. Still shaking. Shaken not stirred. The withdrawal is going swimmingly. No ping, all pain. Then watching the walk away and around and away again – upright, the lion seems to be regaining his gait. L…
Speaking with Jon this morning, a close colleague, he said, “Rachel, I’ve been thinking about you so much right now, my heart is with you.” And then he asked the ubiquitous question – “How are you?” – Empty I said to him, that’s how I feel and I don’t think I can answer that question any other way right now. So I went on to tell him that I also hurt for those I love…
Communication in this modern life is fraught with misinterpretation of tone and meaning – I need consumer electronic therapy to find neutral and not react – listen, ask questions, gather information then make assessment instead of walking off the planet first and having to be talked back down. But good that there is someone listening and not running away from the heavy. Lunch with D – 64 and a stone fox – she just looked…
Had dinner with mom and she said the housekeeper from the Arabi nursing home showed up the other day in Harvey having finally returned from Baton Rouge. She was describing her harrowing evacuation in which she lost everything and then was taken to the dome and then left there to get across the Crescent City Connection whereby she was turned away and then put on a bus and shipped to Pineville where she got off…
Blessed day – the sun shining, the air temperate – a long run on the bayou – the general glad to be here feeling that I tapped into helped an epiphany light up. Reminded me of the zen dropping that has been on my desk for 25 years – “You are exactly where you are supposed to be no matter how things may seem to appear” – and my epiphany was that everything is real…
On an overcast day melancholy is sometimes all you can tap into unless you are Gomez and appreciate the dull greyness of it all. B told L that love is an act of choice, an act of will, it’s volitional. I disagree – there is some choice in there but I don’t think you can choose to love someone, I think that you are drawn there and you choose to stay with it if love…