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Okay the range of emotions goes like this: Friday – uncertainty Saturday and Sunday – melancholy Monday – depressed Tuesday – unbearable sadness Wednesday – getting better – go forward Thursday – PISSED OFF Who FUCKING GIVES THEIR BABY TO A DRUG ADDICT? Why CAN’T GAY COUPLES ADOPT? When WAS IT DECIDED THAT 50 IS TOO OLD TO BE A PARENT? Fuck everyone and the horse they rode in on.
I looked at the calendar this morning and was shocked to see it is the middle of March. Good god the earth is spinning way too fast for my sentiment. I spoke to a source in NY who said to me between the evil weather and Wall Street, the malaise there is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Here, we had a nip in the air, a vestige of winter, if you…
My yoga instructor, Michelle, said agitation is good because it acts like a washing machine and pummels all the dirt as it cleanses. And agitated I have been, but through the agitation came a new clarity for us. Sartre said that genius is “not a gift, but the way a person invents in desperate circumstances” and Michelle told us, we must learn how to bend so we don’t break. It means be prepared to alter…
Okay, I’m done being sad. I want to move on. I want a baby, I want to be a mother, and I’m getting old. I want all of these boys in this picture sitting at my dining room table waiting for the macaroni and cheese. Oprah is want to say that failure is a way of saying you are on the wrong path. BULLSHIT. My motto is try again. But first grieve, then deep breath,…
I was walking Loca to the park this morning in a daze, and at the corner of Carrolton and City Park burst into tears. A friend was driving by taking her child to school and she rolled down the window and asked if I was okay and I blurted out the birthmother changed her mind. There wasn’t much she could do or I could say more than that so I kept walking into the park.…
Da Capo Take the used-up heart like a pebble and throw it far out. Soon there is nothing left. Soon the last ripple exhaust itself in the weeds. Returning home, slice carrots, onions, celery. Glaze them in oil before adding the lentils, water, and herbs. Then the roasted chestnuts, a little pepper, the salt. Finish with goat cheese and parsley. Eat. You may do this, I tell you, it is permitted. Begin again the story…
Last night, someone was telling me how to get in touch with a doctor who would prescribe me as much Vicodin or Xanax as I could ever want. Really? I thought. Why would I want access to all the Vicodin I could ever want? Today I was speaking to another friend about the day and the way the adoption was (not) going and he said in a manner of speaking that it would be okay.…
Last night we went to Chickie Wah Wah to hear Evan and the trio play, only the trio was minus James Singleton (sadly) and plus a guitar player and other bass player and later two young Japanese musicians. One of the Japanese musicians was a young very cute girl who had a tee shirt that said “Living Well is the Best Thing” – and today after conversing with a friend about our adoption taking a…
The babydaddy wants the baby even though he has no means to take care of her. The babymama is stuck in the midst of a quagmire in a relationship with a man who has addiction problems and no means to take care of a baby that he is now hell bent on killing a lot of people over if he doesn’t get. This is not to mention he does not support the son he has…
Tonight is a full moon – ah woo is all I have to say – Loca was psycho in the park this morning, I kept trying to run and every time, she would start barking with this squeaky irritating shrill noise. Then I just gave up and started fast walking. I wanted to go back around by the lagoon because alas, it’s March, and the pelicans will be leaving soon, but as we rounded the…