It Was Like This: You Were Happy
It was like this:
you were happy, then you were sad,
then happy again, then not.
It went on.
You were innocent or you were guilty.
Actions were taken, or not.
At times you spoke, at other times you were silent.
Mostly, it seems you were silent–what could you say?
Now it is almost over.
Like a lover, your life bends down and kisses your life.
It does this not in forgiveness–
between you, there is nothing to forgive–
but with the simple nod of a baker at the moment
he sees the bread is finished with transformation.
Eating, too, is now a thing only for others.
It doesn’t matter what they will make of you
or your days: they will be wrong,
they will miss the wrong woman, miss the wrong man,
all the stories they tell will be tales of their own invention.
Your story was this: you were happy, then you were sad,
you slept, you awakened.
Sometimes you ate roasted chestnuts, sometimes persimmons.
Jane Hirschfield
November 21st, 2006 at 10:02 am
Yes, you can love a child as if you gave birth but, “another’s†in this context, not so sure that is love. No I am sure this isn’t love. There are so many, many children out there that need homes, books, a big sister, or just back backs. Where I live , three hundred high school and middle school foster kids go to school without a back pack, all year, in just one district alone . Start a back pack drive.
Things happen and I don’t wont to judge. But, the recipe for parenting includes some kind of knowing that one cannot do everything that feels good, or feels like love. I suspect you know that. But, I suspect you think your judgment has a gear shift of sorts. You know where when you become a parent you can gear for life choices change. It wouldn’t’ be like that. Parenting It is a whole new world. And no one has a gear shifts where they can switch from middle aged wanta-be Sex in the City, to I am a loving 24/7 mommy.
And, your not even in training for the change. Training, you know with selfless acts of buying kids books who are longing to read them, mentoring an hour a week, slowing up the drinking, getting up on Madiline, and Sponge Bob for conversation. There is certainly an understanding of longing for a child women are hard wired for that. Based on your blog you’re not ready, nor young. Some states don’t even allow adoption after the age of 50. I once thought this was crazy but, do that math.
So the no kid thing is transparently about more than some on man’s impact on your life.
What got me to post was your passage where there was a suicide, three kids were left and you asked what about me, where are my kids What about those children? And, the poor, hopefully loving people who now have their means, their livelihood, their life style changed, and even taxed to try and do right by those kids? You asked why not me, scary comment.? Uhummm.
So, if you really want to be a parent walk the walk talk the talk….Maybe start with sending those kids of the suicide gifts, or books, or an one of your Sax shopping sprees or seped a day with them, and send the new parents off to dinner.
Take the class get certified for foster care, see where it leads you. Stop thinking about men they‘ll find you, read some child development see if it what you want to do. Stop the kid whining, do something about it.
November 21st, 2006 at 10:17 am
Well the whining is a process to get to where you want to go. I am in the throes of getting a house done that is costing me every resource I have – not just money, but waking up at 3AM in terror that I cannot do this because of the money etc. Maybe you could handle redoing a house post-Katrina, post-divorce, post-heart break better than I – more power to you. But I can handle only a stressful job on Wall Street and a house remodel that is costing three times as much at one time.
In the meantime, I am putting myself out there – I babysit my friend’s baby on Thursday mornings so she can take her other child to school and I can hold and rock the baby. I take her other child to the movies or park or toy store on the weekends. I spend two afternoons a week with my new born great niece trying to give my niece a break. And I have a mother, who I have mothered my whole life, for whom I moved back here.
You must believe that the Sex and the City aspects of life are more interesting to read and write about than any of the above.
I will get to an understanding of where I want and need to be of service with a child. I contribute money to a charity that helps inner city kids go to college – I could contribute backpacks – I’m just trying to figure out if I want a 24/7 job as a mom or if I am an aunt to many or if I can make a difference in one underprivileged child’s life.
I appreciate your candor and suggestions.
November 21st, 2006 at 11:09 am
The Sex and the City aspects of it more interesting to read, probably. Hence ,the dull middle school mom reads. Don’t underestimate the other part’s interest.
Being one who became a mom a single working mom, on “accident“, unplanned and not biologically, it’s a hard gig , while really and joyous. too. It turns your life upside down, and sideways, and down another road. Watch what you wish for, seriously.
November 21st, 2006 at 11:26 am
I don’t underestimate for a moment the hard work – a woman in my group this morning had to take her daughter in for a breast exam (turned out to be a staph infection), then field a son who came home throwing up in a garbage bag, as well as having the flu herself – how she managed to get work done on top of that is quite a feat. It is humbling to know what mothers do on a daily basis compared to the rest of the world. Good luck and again thanks for your comments.
November 21st, 2006 at 4:27 pm
Ms Rachel,
You’re clearly a very good writer. What a great gift to mentor a middle school
girl on, writing. Sixth grade is all about the transition to writing from
reading, reading novels and writing about characters. … just something as
simple as teaching her to keep a journal, and being her editor .. What a
gift that would be. Not sure young should read your “ boystuff†. But, what
do I know.
But, your writing gifts are something some girl out there is waiting be
mentored by, and it probably fits into your lifestyle. Just a thought. And,
yes I think that venture would make good reads.
I have learned there are so many kids who have parents who feel the crunch,
as you say.. Money, divorce, disaster, work, it just doesn’t happen to
the kid-less. And, it leaves kid out of the loop on some things like having
time to teach them how to keep a journal and that is something you appear
to give…