The Wrong Question
A while ago I got embroiled in a situation with an ex that caused me to ask repeatedly, ad nauseam, beating a dead horse style, “Why Me?” It took many meditations, consultations, therapies, and a come to Jesus to get me to a place where I realized I was asking the wrong question (read: assholes happens).
So instead of Why Me? I began asking how do I handle this situation? I learned through meditation, perambulation, and disapparation I am capable of withstanding all of it and even more (read: pandemic).
But there is another why, as in why am I so lucky. I have an anthem for this why by Kris Kristofferson – Why Me Lord? I embraced this song when I couldn’t understand why so many beautiful things were happening in my life. Like Kristofferson, I had a profound religious experience where I felt so inordinately blessed by my life and I kept asking why? Why me Lord? Why are these people being good to me, why am I so lucky, why am I so fortunate?
Until I realized why is not the question.
I was married for many years to a man I finally had to ask to give me flowers because he kept telling me he wasn’t going to do what was expected of him and I said, well I would like them. Towards the end of our time together, he began buying elaborate bouquets. But it was too late.
I realized though I could give myself flowers.
Opening myself up to my own love invited others to love me. Just this past week, I’ve received many gifts of flowers and now my house feels cheery and bright.
Why was never the question. We deserve love in its many forms, the presence of a friend, the gift of flowers, the moments that bring us to our knees because we are so grateful. We do not deserve haters, broken sewers pipes, and spider bites that make you itch and burn at the same time.
Life doles out both – lovers and haters – and ours is not to ask why but to discern the difference between gifts we deserve and those we don’t and to make room for the lover while we quietly dismiss the haters.