The mind eraser
I’ve been practicing my meditation each morning, and after meditation I can truly say that I see clearer, hear better, and feel more relaxed. I’ve been using an app – yes an app for meditation – called the Insight Timer.
A friend walked by the other day and out of the blue, was admonishing me for wanting to build a house – “You can’t do this! You better not do that!” – and I smiled at him. He then said, “Don’t give me that relaxed attitude.” But there I was, relaxed.
I have an affirmation that I wrote out the other day as part of a larger piece I was contemplating. I thought of it this morning as I sat in the adirondack chair in the backyard, listening to the bluebirds and chickadees chirping and watching the pink-eyed possum climb over the fence and disappear behind the giant elephant ears and then enter the backyard of my neighbor.
I fly with no fear (I am safe)
I fly looking all around (I am open)
I fly with my ancestors (I am protected)
My friend had rattled me the other day because the truth is my income has diminished again and yet I feel richer than a queen. Is building my own house a wise move in this economy, in my economy, this new, new economy? And I didn’t have a ready answer, so fear crept in and snuggled up close, almost suffocating me.
Yet, I must live somewhere and not just anywhere, and though we are cozy in the Red House, in our weighing station, and we are not in a hurry to board the mother ship to the next destination, I think about things like investing, like making smart financial moves that will help me and my son and provide for our future. And the saboteur of investments past says, “Try as you might, you cannot control the outcome of even a wise investment.”
And so I keep trying to think my way into future and keep falling back on letting go of such notions, such nonsense, such ego trying to run my life and invade my present peace of mind.
The meditation helps me let go and let god.
Not what these words sounds like, it’s not “him” god that my bible carrying friends refer to, it’s not the god of my father, it’s the let go and let tomorrow live there god, because I live now. Here in this backyard where a bluebird is hopping along the clothesline, the sky is grey and the air heavy with portents of rain and I am sitting here this morning, enjoying my coffee.
