A bowl of cherries
Are you wondering if life at the LaLa is just a bowl of cherries? Is that what you were wondering?
Today, our nanny is in New York for the rest of the week and we traded off with Tin, I took the early shift and Tatjana took the mid day shift, when it was time for going down for his nap, Tin was jumping around and fell smack down on the coffee table, thumping his forehead right by his brow. Lotta tears – tears galore.
I got ice and begin to apply it to his forehead and he began to hit me hard in the face, deliberately reaching up to hit me in the face. Now, of course, he was tired, of course he had bumped his head, but having lost the practice of hitting he has returned to it in full on deliberation the last few days with me. He hits and kicks me when he’s tired, frustrated, or sometimes it seems out of curiosity.
We have the same response – We don’t hit in this family. Hand are for loving. If you are frustrated hit the wall, or your bed, but not mommy. That will not be allowed.
But today I snapped and yelled (almost like my father) “I am sick of you hitting me in the face you hear me.” And then I was about to fly out the door (much like my father, the king of rage himself), when Tatjana calmed me down and we reverted to an earlier tactic which is to throw all the attention on the victim of Tin’s hits.
It worked, he was sorry, we all calmed down. I was reading Dr. Sears he says:
Child hurts parent. Face-slapping is a socially-incorrect gesture babies experiment with. Redirect the slapper into a socially-acceptable alternative: “Give me five.” Likewise, redirect nipping: “No biting, ouchie, hurts Mama! (put on your unhappy face); then redirect the behavior: “Hug mama. That’s nice!” (smile and hug back). Once your child’s face-slapping becomes an expression of frustration (for example, the toddler in your arms becomes angry and hits you because you won’t let her have candy), you’ll have to show her the natural consequence. Firmly but calmly announce “You may not hit” and put her down. She’ll still be angry about the candy, so you can verbalize that for her. Do not allow your toddler to use you as a punching bag. Give her the message that you will not let her hurt you. If you don’t allow your child to hurt you when he’s very young, he will be less likely to let others hurt him when he’s older. You will be modeling to him how to say “no” to being hit, for example, by holding up a hand to stop the blow but not hit back.
Take it from me, we have tried these tactics, all of them, nonstop and as determined as I am not to spank him because really what good would hitting him do to teach him not to hit me, I’m having to pull from reserves of patience that I lack.
If someone out there has a better idea of how to get this hitting to stop, I’m all ears. The worse is the hit then smile because the child secretly loves getting a rise out of you. ACK!