Tin and I went to his last music class this morning and are taking a break for the summer. It’s hard to know if that is the best thing for him, on one hand today as I was marching around to these ungodly dull kiddie songs and getting him to get in step with me I thought is this good for him? I am reading Go Tell It On The Mountain by James Baldwin and the passage I read last night was one where the woman is walking up the stairs with her son and he starts moving and yearning for the blues he hears coming from an apartment below. I had this sort of vision today that I was taking Tin to this rhythmless music class where he nor I needed to be.
Later I cancelled out of the swim lessons that we were going to do for a few weeks. I had spoken to other mothers who said that they don’t really learn to swim until 4 years old and that they really don’t learn to swim by having lessons once a week, they need every day.
I ended up going to the gym afterwards to work out, I was hungry but our houseguest was just going to get started on the gazpacho so if I waited around I would have just gotten cranky.
When I got home there was a beautiful bowl of gazpacho waiting for me.
I came up to my office later and thought about a lot of things – about how if it don’t feel right, it ain’t right and there is no making it feel right. And that is the summation of all of my ponderings lately. I could act like this is working but it really is not. I could try to think that Tin would benefit from listening to this dull as dirt music but honestly I can’t imagine that it is now or ever will be. I think that in the end it’s like gazpacho – all the ingredients have got to be good to make good gazpacho, otherwise it ain’t worth it.
