One of those days
Tin woke up late this morning and I envied him the ability to sleep in. I got up early to walk the dogs as this was the first morning I didn’t have to be at my desk before dawn and just as we were stepping out it started thundering and Heidi grew skittish, so we just rounded the bayou and returned. A neighbor called and said it felt like spring outside and I thought she was joking. Minutes ago the sky opened up and the deluge started, the kind of rain that only happens in New Orleans, where it feels like you should have started work on the ark months ago.
Which brings me to right now and what’s on my mind. I spoke with a long-time source yesterday and we had a long talk about aging and perception. Is it me? But I’m not having those pangs or fears of losing my looks like my friends? I still feel attractive, even carrying extra weight around, and even looking in the mirror and seeing deep set lines EVERYWHERE. And more importantly, I just don’t give a damn what anyone thinks and probably less so now. I told my source that the good news for her, she’s a few years behind me, is that while she cares about these things now, as soon as her libido takes a nose dive at 50, she won’t give a rat’s ass about her looks.
On a day like this when the rain is coming down in grey sheets, I care only about not getting too caught up in the moment – you know where you think things like OIL SPILL, WTF? Or like earlier in the week when I spoke to a broker because friends of ours had refinanced their house at 4.5% interest and changed to a 15 year loan and gotten a similar monthly payment and I desperately hoped for the same but my calculations came back different – $600 more a month – and not a good plan. So I’m back to contemplating retirement and how that will be possible with a 30 year mortgage and a monthly payment that will exceed any retirement I could hope for at this point. And yet, I just thought about all the beautiful apartments I have rented in my life – that was really the passing thought – they are clear to me in the rain as I experienced the best ones here in New Orleans during monsoons similar to the one we are having right at this moment.
There is something comforting about where my mind is after all – I look outside the window at the rain and feel cozy inside; I look in the mirror and know where every one of my laugh, stress and frown lines have come from and each one tells a pretty decent story; I look at my midline and know that it was a delicious glass of Stolpman Syrah or the pizzeta that put it there; and more importantly, I look inside my heart and know that there is love.
I ask you – what could be better on this, one of those days?