Fear of being a cliche
It’s hard to fear being a cliche when you are living through extraordinary times like a diaspora. But I haven’t really been myself for quite some time. I get caught up in my thoughts and can’t seem to come out of my head and just be. In doing that I also stop directing my actions and start settling for what’s offered when I want so much more. So the question is do you focus on not wanting or do you not settle? Let go of your attachments, Yoda clearly said, for they lead to jealousy which is just short of greed.
John Donne said: And we therefore which are one, though I must part, endure not yet a breach, but an expansion, like gold to airy thinness beat. If we are two, we are two so as stiff twin compasses are two – thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show to move unless the other do, and though it in its circle sits while the other far doth roam, it leans and harkens after it and grows erect as that comes home.
And I say: whatyagonnado? We have become the borg here in Arlington so it is tough to strike out with independent thought and feeling – we are wound so tight that it is difficult to tell who is doing the breathing for the group and who is the dead weight. So again I ask, am I a cliche? Here in the midst of my wanting to strike out for the open territory, I am instead hitching my dreams to a black hole that has the potential to vanquish me – that old desire to be ephemeral, a mist that is hosted and summoned only for pleasure – this started so long ago I’m not sure if its undoing wouldn’t be my undoing.
Dreams last night of eyes that soak you in – a kind of purposeful focus that you cannot turn away from – am I the one gazed at or the gazer – is the focus on controlling the gaze or on the gazer – what truly is its purpose?
Once you stake the territory out and activate your land grab what are your intentions. And why should I even be contemplating a what next when you can’t even move to what now.
Today is Monday – week 4 of the evacuation – no wonder the pinching is starting to be felt all over again.