Coming and Going and Always Too Soon
I reached a saturation point with people – too many special interests, none can be ultimately satisfied, and so it turns back to the task at hand – the core. The core is still weak but getting stronger. (Thank you Joseph Pilates.) N&B are back and Renny’s happy but it was nice to get one last walk this morning in with L and just go over all the laundry list of what needs repeating or looked at from yet one more pov. I think about this back in NO thing and how good it really feels way deep down to the core. But today is a bless-ed morning, slept in my bed last night – after many three dog nights – with Arlene spooning me and playdate this morning with only her in tow was a breeze – I felt lightfooted and a lightness of heart. L said that K’s response was “if you gave us a chance, we would be awesome” – god I love that girl. My favorite was when L said, yeah, you have a thing for 50-year-olds but what about when I’m 65 and you still have a thing for 50-year-olds and I’m not 50 and she responded “will your character have changed? because that is what I am attracted to” – where did this girl come from? She’s 20 going on 50.
Maybe I should get K to come over here and be my wife because after being one for so many years I realize the value in it and greatly desire someone to do my laundry, cook and clean, rub my back, carry my emotional weight, plan my social calendar, bookkeep, buy my underwear, keep in touch with my family and remember their birthdays – would that be just so great? And I would be very appreciative – I’d buy her little gifts or simply bring her a nosegay of wildflowers after my walks, I’d tell her she is beautiful every day, I’d kiss the small of her back and would not neglect other parts of her body for the sake of breasts and China — hands to rub, feet to massage, nape to scruff, and top of thighs where she might not have to shave but have a little down anyway that is worth lightly rubbing fingers across.
K intrigues me, she’s like my altar younger ego – more articulate than I must have been back then – but as focused and engaged as I ever was because like her I love loving – it brings out the best in me. My footnote to K is not to lose that quality – EVER – even though it will become jaded (a little) – but can’t help feeling like I might should warn her she’ll find herself wanting not to be taken for granted after she’s sprinkled and spread that sumptuous, sensuous, golden love among the people especially after some of the key ones react unphased as if it weren’t nothing special.
I’d like to circle back with her when she gets to that point because I think I could tell her a thing or two that might right her course again.