Balancing passivity against aggression
I spent most of 2007 unrolling from the fetal position after an arduous journey from hell and back – I have Katrina, two men, one boy and a house remodel to thank for that enlightenment. So in 2007 I just let loose and became a wild child, I did not have one boundary up at all. That, I understand was allowing the left side of me to take over – the passivity of just being unbound.
Then in 2008, I got down to business and shut down my left side as my right side took over in a full blown attack. I immersed myself in work, in love, and in the auspices of having a baby. All of this business distracted me from my left side and actually manifested itself into a tightness in the right side of my lower back that sent a current of pain down my leg. The psoas, perhaps.
In yoga today, Michele talked about balance about how when the left side takes over we are not participating in life and when the right side takes over we use that aggressive energy to distract us. It’s all about balance. I stand on one foot and I tip over. I stand on the other and I tip the other way. Balance is difficult for me.
Yesterday, when I had a conversation with my mother that found me and her trapped in the same dance, and later when T said to me I have to relax and not be so judgmental, I just threw my hands up. What to do? How can I stand and be a witness to her complete and utter lack of care for herself?
“I need to” is the answer I gave myself.
Today, against steep odds with this tight fist of a body, I got up in crow’s pose and held it. Baby steps, I said aloud to myself.