Shadows under my feet
N’s student from Madrid sends her an email that says while she is doing her laundry she thinks of Nancy and the pain she must be remembering on this day, and as she separates her clothes, she wonders how Nancy is separating reality from nostalgia and how her strength comes from having stayed and being here. And N calls me, crying from the kindness that her missives all carry.
Yesterday, I too received many an email saying “you are in my thoughts today” and “this has been a challenging year for you, Rachel, but you’re strong” and I say I/we are strong because while President Bush and his minions didn’t give a rat’s ass about us down here in New Orleans, the rest of the world opened its heart, mind, and soul to us and the outpouring of love filled us with hope to face what lies ahead.
From N’s student:
I spent all day seeing your troubles filtered through a T.V. screen. All day listening to your pain filtered through radio speakers. I know I cannot know truly what you are going through. But I imagine.
I awake, and I imagine you waking, thinking only of the day and its pain. During my morning walk, I imagine with each step you take, you revisit memories that cling to your heels like shadows. While I’m reading, I imagine those feelings piling up inside you like soggy books. I am sorting my laundry, and I imagine you separating reality from nostalgia–a pile for what was before and what is after. I imagine that tonight when I lay down for sleep, that you will still be awake with the sounds of hope battling fear. But I also imagine that tomorrow you will wake up again and go through the motions of another day. I imagine that this will happen many times over and over until you wake up one day and realize that you have something you did not have before. You have power wrought out of suffering. You have the strength that only comes from staying.
You are in my mind and my heart.
–Hol
________________________________________________
May all beings have happiness
and the cause of happiness
May all beings be free from suffering
and the cause of suffering
May all beings never part from happiness
that is beyond suffering
may all beings rest in equanimity
free from attachment and hatred
~Venerable Geshe Kelsang Gyatso