Disturbances in the Gender Field
What do you do when rhetoric from a dear friend begins to be overlayed with misogynist themes and when you ask this person to stop this kind of talk with you, he tries to insinuate you are the one pulling the themes out of context and in the same breath, professes that “all of his men friends believe” this way therefore there is truth to these themes. What if you are in your forties and your experience with men suggest otherwise – your lovers, husbands, friends, colleagues, superiors have not now or ever expressed these beliefs about women. That’s not to say it is unfamiliar, my father and brothers and uncles tilt towards misogyny with a Spanish prediliction for believing their penises grant them some sort of superiority. But the men I have freely chosen to associate with I strongly believe do not hold these beliefs or if so, only in stereotype and not in truth.
The equivalent of misogyny for a woman is misandry, a hatred of or strong prejudice of men. If any of the women I love professed what my male friend is concluding by way of blanket statements, I would find what they were saying equally disturbing. But in all the categories my women friend fall into – men hatred or misandry is not now or has it ever been a theme.
The weird thing about misogyny is it does not have to be blanket. The Don Juans of the world appear to be women lovers but while a “seducer” might appear outwardly charming and to enjoy the company of women, many do not, at root, respect women or find them interesting on any higher plane than mere sex objects. At the same time, misogyny is a negative attitude towards women as a group, and so some misogynist can hold these views yet have healthy relationships with individual woman. So that leads them to the conclusion that they are not misogynist. Phrases like – your sex wants to have it both ways, she reacted like an hysterical female, all the men I know, know this about women that they _____ [fill in the blank] – are gross generalities that serve no greater purpose in understanding the nature of people, whatever their sex.
Misogyny is ugly no matter how you package it.