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What would you do if you were me and you were on a mission to change the parts of you that are learned behavior and learn the parts of you that are fundamental to who you are, to who our species is, to who you should be. This morning walking through City Park, a thousand thoughts vied for attention in my mind that ran the gamut:

Ugly and rebellious, wtf?
Need to figure out a plan for Tin’s school.
Where did I put that book on Spain I bought years ago.
Doesn’t have time to talk, hmm.
Why do I feel so sluggish.
If I lose weight, then ….
Is Loca ever going to be normal?
When I’m in San Francisco, I will …

All of these thoughts vied to conquer my joie de vivre of just experiencing the park again as I have not been able to go on one single walk since Tatjana left on Thursday last week. I tried to shove the thoughts out by repeating Ram Ram Ram (Ram means God. Ram is derived from the sanskrit word Ramaneeyam – meaning Beautiful).

I got to my desk after a flurry of activity in the house with Tin, Tatjana, and dogs and cats and before my day started I learned Cheb i Sabbah had Stage IV cancer, my friend in New York is doing okay (he finally responded), the DVD the nun asked me to copy would take more time than I had thought, a friend and neighbor is suffering with arthritis and on meds to control her pain, and I thought to myself, girl, you have it good, so relax into yourself. Anyone else who could figure this out faster or better than me, may take a walk in my shoes, but I’d have to say probably preferable if you stand over there and just watch.

My horoscope today:

August 22, 2011

1. Taurus (4/20-5/20)

   If you’re accused of acting out of character today, don’t sweat it. Right now, you’re spiritually searching, whether you realize it or not. And although you might not be behaving in a consistent manner, you’re still adhering to the personal philosophies you’ve been developing over the years. Do not let other people make you second-guess your reactions right now. You’re doing what you think is right, and that is all that matters.

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