A friend needed to bend my ear last night as she is reaching a critical juncture in motherhood, partnerhood, and selfhood and she cannot figure out her next step. I went out late to meet and talk, when usually I’m bound for bed and I’m glad I did, because oddly enough it could have been my younger self talking to me. The younger self stubbornly clinging to an ideal when reality is dealing you another card.
I kept thinking all along that age gives you distance from ideals and grounds you in a reality that is way more healthy. Don’t get me wrong, I love ideals, I love youthful energy, and I love to believe that a world exists that you could build oh so perfectly that nothing can harm or change it, not even today or the future – but frankly it doesn’t exist, like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. They’re good for a time, but then poof they’re gone.
My friend made the comment that she (“how do you say without it sounding negative?”) admired what she saw as my “detachment”, as a parent and I said, it doesn’t exist. I’m not detached, but I do believe Tin needed to learn to sleep by himself, work out his frustrations sometimes by himself, and more than anything I understand my role is to encourage him to grow independent of me. That I know from age, not from detachment, because I know the consequences of my actions as a parent today are about guidance and support, not about creating and forming.
very true. and age also brings (hopefully) some peace with your own parents and with that relationship. drives home the importance of indepence as a goal for your kid too.
Try to tell that to T after her mother has been here for two plus months 🙂
ha. yes, easier when said parent is not in the same house for extended period 🙂
matricide has come up in conversation a few times